The Smile She Gives You

Chapter 15: Fight

Peace and quiet in the small school yard. Today I am having lunch all by myself. The others have stormed off to grab food in the city but I decided to stay and enjoy the packed lunch I have brought from home. However, just before I can to take the first bite, I register a movement to my right and look up.

"May I join you, Tori?"

Ryan?

"Sure, I thought you were off to the some take away place with the others."
Ryan sits down on the stone bench right next to me and takes a lunch box out of his bag. "That was the plan initially. But I'd have missed out on all the fun here in the courtyard. Besides, external lunch can be pretty expensive and it takes a long time to reach a good place. Leaving you alone, was the final push to convince me to stay here", he replies with a wink.
He doesn't like leaving me alone? That is very thoughtful of Ryan.
"You seem rather isolated at times, Tori. I've asked before and I'll ask again: Is there anything you want to talk about?"
"Thanks, Ryan. For noticing this and asking about it. I'll be fine. I just need some time. The one thing an IB student can never have enough of..."
I smile and Ryan shows a grin as well at the side comment.
"And yet, I want you to know that you can feel free to always share whatever is on your mind. I'd like to help you, Tori."

You are already noticing that I am not feeling well! You are the one person at school who sees that something is not right! You notice that I am unhappy! This is more than enough, Ryan! How do I best tell you that?

We sit in silence for a moment and don't dare to speak up. Finally, after what seems like an eternity, Ryan breaks the silence.
"May I ask you something, Tori?"
"Sure, go ahead."
"How do you keep up that pretty smile of yours?"

My smile is pretty? Ryan likes my smile? That's very cute and attentive of him! I can't help but smile at his comment in this moment while feeling the heat come up my face.
He points a finger at me and smiles back: "Now that's the smile I mean! The radiating smile of Astoria Wells. The smile that holds so much energy and happiness. You always have that smile, no matter how tough the situation is. How do you do that? How do you stay so positive and optimistic despite everything that it happening? That is truly very impressive!"

So it pays off that I try to smile often? That's great! Why do I feel a sudden tingle going through my whole body? It almost seems like I can hear my heart beating inside my chest. Why am I feeling this way? And how do I even describe this feeling?

"Thanks, Ryan. This really means a lot to me. I just try my best to stay positive. At least on the outside. And my mood is improved when I get to have nice conversations with my friends. Just like this one now."
"Staying positive on the outside can help improve the inside. And if you ever need anything, we are always here for you, Tori."

~~~

Ahhhh! I roll on my bed while holding a pillow to my face to muffle the screams. Ryan was so earnest today. He made a very sincere impression. How can someone have such a pure character?!
It's in moments like this that I feel hopeful. I know there is someone who believes in me. Someone who cares about me. Someone who understands me and my feelings.
Why am I experiencing such warmth in these thoughts?

I feel such a relief as I childishly giggle into my pillow. Those feelings are funny. A person like Ryan can make me forget all of my worries and feel happy again. What is the superpower he uses to do this? How does he give me this sense of security? Why do I feel accepted when I'm around him? How does he make my worries go away?

I hug my pillow and stare up at the ceiling with a big smile on my face. Ryan, you truly are a remarkable person.

~~~