this is me trying

Chapter 14 - An April Birthday

I've never liked my birthday. I never liked the attention that people give you when its your birthday. I always felt weird about it. Just because it was the day I was born, people suddenly start caring that I'm living. What about every other day? Why is it only today that you actually care? I'm alive 354 days of the year without you, but today, you decide to care? It never made sense to me. It still does.

I don't celebrate my birthday, as a result. I don't tell people my birthday. I don't like doing it, I don't feel as if I need to.

Obviously, people know. It's hard to get around that. But I avoid celebrations at all costs. I avoid having to do anything in regards to my birthday.

It's April 24th. My birthday. I was now 22. My favourite, and lucky number. I had high hopes for the year.

I woke up on the morning of the 24th. We had a game that day, and I was hoping, more than anything, to be able to get back on that pitch. My rehab had been going well. I was exceeding everyone's expectations. I was working incredibly hard, making sure that I would be okay for the Euros. I wanted to get back on the pitch, before the end of the season, to help my case for the tournament in the summer.

Although most people thought I wouldn't be able to do it, my consistency in the gym, and in my physio sessions, meant that instead of four months, it only took me three. Everyone was confused as to how I had got to where I had. I was running, and kicking, and with a few talks with my manager and staff, they didn't see any reason to not allow me to try and play. Obviously there would be load management, but I knew I could do it. I knew I could get back on and play the way I always had.

As I got ready to head to the stadium, I kissed Ona's head as she slept peacefully. I didn't want to wake her, but as I walked out, she opened her eyes and started to speak.

"Hey," she called out.

"Yeah?"

"Get back on that pitch. You're going to do great. I'll be watching."

"I love you," I said to her.

"I love you too." She turned over to get back to sleep, and I got in the car and headed to training.

I walked inside the locker room, and all the girls looked up, smiling at me as I went to sit at my locker. I got my boots from underneath, counting the laces before I put them on. I had missed this feeling more than anything. Being with the girls in the locker room, just before we were going to go out. It was the camaraderie that I missed most.

When you rehab, it is incredibly lonely and isolating. I had Chloe with me, through most of it, as she was overcoming an ACL injury, but when she started getting back on the pitch, I was by myself. I was lonely, and that was incredibly difficult, and incredibly hard.

"You're back!" Chloe said, coming over to me, and sitting beside my locker.

"I'm back," I replied. When we were both rehabbing, we did get quite close. As all the girls were out on the pitch, we were together in the gym, lifting weights to stay strong, and helping our respective injuries. She had become one of my closest friends, and it was nice to have someone like her with me throughout it all.

We sat on the bench together, as we played our game against Leicester. Caroline scored the first goal, then Lauren, and Alex got a late penalty to make it 3-0 going into half time. At this rate, if we secured all the points, we could make Champions League, but we wanted to have the best goal difference possible, so more goals was better than less.

I was subbed into the game in the 75th minute. That gave me 15 minutes to make a mark. To do something. Chloe came in with me, and we both found our spots. I went into the 8, and Chloe to the wing. I had Keira behind me in the 6, and Georgia in the 10. This was exactly how I liked it, and I knew I could push myself.