this is me trying

Chapter 16 - Hurter and Healer

We had our camp in Oslo. All the girls came together, ready to play in the tournament of a lifetime. It was suspected to be huge. One of the greatest. England were in our group, and they were going to be hard to beat. We knew that. But we had hope, and faith, and confidence too.

As I sat with Ingrid, in our room, alongside Guro and Frida, we talked about our dreams. We talked about our wildest ambitions, and our deepest fears.

"What about you?" Guro asked me, once all of them talked about one thing that scared them more than anything. Guro's was spiders, and clowns, Ingrid's was falling off a cliff, and Frida's was losing an important match.

"I'm not too sure," I responded.

"Come on," Guro persisted.

"Guro..."

"Ev, what's wrong?" Ingrid asked.

"Your fears seem so real. All of them. Mine, well, they aren't like that."

"What do you mean?"

"My fears are forgetting to wear my shirt inside out when I go to bed or not counting my laces before a game, or stepping on a crack. Those are my fears. Not spiders, or snakes, or the dark, or cliffs. Or even losing a match."

"Everyone is different," Ingrid said, trying to soothe me and tell me what I feel is normal, when I know it isn't.

"It's not being different, Ingri. It's being stupid, and maniacal."

"Ev..." Frida soon said.

"Let's go," Guro soon said, to Frida, knowing that it was probably best for me to talk to Ingrid alone.

Frida and Guro left the room, returning to their own, leaving Ingrid and me.

"Eva, I thought this was all getting better."

"It's not that easy."

"What's this really about?"

"That."

"No. I know you Eva. I know that yes those are your fears, but you aren't as compelled with them as you used to be. I know something else scares you more. I know that." she was right. Something did scare me more.

"Ingri, I love her."

"Ona?"

"Yes, Ona," I chuckled. "Who else?"

"So what's the problem?"

"My connection to her... it, it saved me. She saved me. I no longer feel those things as strongly as I did before. But- but what if it all comes crashing down? What if she decides she doesn't love me anymore? What if she decides to leave me?" I soon crawled into a ball, putting my head into my arms.

"Trust me, Ev, Ona is not leaving you. She loves you just as much as you love her. Can you not tell? You guys are made for each other. Just because she brings out the best in you, don't you dare think that you don't bring out the best in her too. Mapi has told me a lot about that girl before she met you. She was a different person. Now, she's more alive, and happier than ever. You brought that happiness out, Ev. Don't forget it." I looked up, smiling at my best friend, before wiping a tear from my face.

"You think?"

"I know. She loves you. Don't let these feelings ruin your bliss."

We trained for the next few days before playing our first pre-tournament friendly against Spain.

When the Spanish team arrived, Ingrid and I went to their hotel (even though we weren't supposed to) to meet our girls. They both sneaked through the back of their hotel, coming through the doors. Ona walked up to me, soon wrapping her arms around my waist and lifting me up off the ground slightly.