this is me trying

Chapter 30 - Homes

Before I could wallow in my grief, and feelings, any longer, it was time I headed over to the mainland to meet up with Ingrid, Mapi, and a few others, for a trip in the sun. I needed to feel the warmth of the Spanish summer on my skin and be in the presence of those closest to me.

Inge and I were both so excited to spend the summer together, but Mapi wouldn't be going to Australia. She was standing up for what she believed in, and I, along with Ingrid, was incredibly proud of her.

She was one of only three who did that, and that did not include Ona. Ona would be in New Zealand. She was going with Spain. Despite everything she believed in, she ultimately decided to go. Although I knew it must have been the hardest decision of her life, to go against the things she believed in, I was proud of her to get to go to the World Cup and play a role in her team, even though the environment wasn't healthy.

"Is Mapi okay?" I asked Ingrid, as I met her at the airport. "About not going to, you know, New Zealand?" Ingrid picked me up in Barcelona before we were to head off to the coast, her driving always scaring me but knowing I would only need to endure this for thirty minutes or so.

"Eh, not really," Ingrid replied. "She wants to be there but knows that she can't. It would hurt her too much."

"Yeah..."

"I know she has this hard exterior, and people see her a certain way, but she is so sensitive and this would be hitting her harder than anyone could ever realize."

"Besides you," I corrected her.

"I can see it, but only because she talks to me, I guess," Ingrid answered. "I'm just going to miss her."

"It'll be two months, at most, and then, you guys have the entire season together at Barca. It'll be okay," I assured Inge, knowing that her head was getting the better of her.

"With Ona..." she then added. "Did you talk to her?"

"Yeah..."

"And..." Ingrid asked, her eyes focused on the road but her head somewhere else.

"Went just as bad as the last time I spoke to her," I answered, looking out the window.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Evy," Ingrid replied. "It'll all work out. I know it."

"Eh, do you though?" I questioned, chuckling softly.

"No, but I think it will. That counts for something, right?" Ingrid chuckled.

"That it does."

We spent the next few days by the ocean, soaking up the sun, sea, sand, and everything in between. We rented a boat for a day, and as I sat, the sun shining onto my Scandinavian skin, I felt warm and at peace. I hadn't felt like this in months.

My mind cleared.

My heart cleared.

"Eva se está divirtiendo mucho bajo el sol," Mapi said to Ingrid.

"What did she just say?" I exclaimed, knowing it was about me. Hearing my name in a Mapi sentence always stresses me out.

"English please," Ingrid asked Mapi, not understanding it herself.

"Eva likes sun!" Mapi exclaimed before splashing some water on my body as I tanned on the deck.

"I do like sun! Growing up in Trondheim means not a lot of sun!" I replied, chuckling and throwing a towel in the direction of the pair.

The days on the boat were like living without struggles, in complete bliss. I knew once we left it would all become real again. It was time to face reality.

Face the reality of football, and of life.

I was ready for the tournament, maybe even too ready. I used to have this undying passion for football. I felt as if I was only ever happy when my feet were on the grass, and I had a ball in front of my eyes. My love is still there, but is it still an undying one? That is something I'll have to consider.