this is me trying

Chapter 20 - Forever

It was soon the international break, and this would be our final break competing for World Cup qualification. We were sitting healthy at the top of the table, but to secure the qualification, we wanted to win both games. The games against Belgium and Albania.

"What are your plans?" I asked Ona, before I was set to leave for Belgium.

"I'm training with the team, but I got the weekend so I can come to Norway?" she asked, looking at me waiting for approval.

"Of course you can come," I said.

"Mapi said she might come too," Ona added.

"Sounds good," I said, smiling at her.

I left for Belgium the next day, preparing for our games. This would be the first international break with our new coach: Hege Riise. She was our replacement: our replacement coach. I was nervous to meet her, but I knew she would be better. She would already be better than what we already had by just being tame, and non-invasive.

I travelled down to London to meet up with Guro and Frida, before making our way across to Belgium. I wanted to see them both first, and also, with flight times, it was easier to go as a three than by myself.

I met them both at the airport, feeling at peace when I saw my two national team mates.

It was a quick flight across, and as Frida had a quick nap, I sat beside Guro, talking to her.

"It's so weird, that she can't play because of it," I said, talking about Ona, and her strike from the national team.

"I didn't realise it was that bad," Guro responded.

"Neither did I really."

"It seems too weird. Having to do that."

"It is. Surely players are more important than a coach, but apparently not."

"Do they know how long it could go for?"

"Not sure. Forever, maybe. They brought in a whole new squad, with like Real Madrid players and stuff."

"No Barca?"

"No Barcelona, and none of the WSL girls either."

"Jeez," Guro said, looking straight ahead. "Just glad it never got to that point with us."

"He was never as bad," I said, trying to justify his actions in my head.

"Oh, Ev, he really was. He was a shit hole. He did so many bad things, and I don't even know how he got away with it." As she spoke, I tried thinking about the situation. I tried thinking back to everything he did. I tried, my best, to block everything out of my brain. I tried to block him out of my head.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Guro leant into me, nudging me softly. She put her palm, face up, on her leg, and I looked at her, before grabbing it, and squeezing it softly. Since seeing Ash, my brain had been feeling better. I had started to understand more about why I did certain things and what my thought processes truly meant. I also took my medication, which helped more than I could comprehend.

We arrived in Belgium, and after meeting up with Ingrid, we trained for the next few days. Hege was better than what we had before, but it was still all new. I would have to get used to her.

"Eva," she called out to me, after training. "A word?" I walked over to her, not knowing what to expect.

"Everything alright?" I asked.

"Yes, yes," she responded. "I just wanted to talk to you about positioning."

"Okay..."

"Where do you like playing the most?"