little by little

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March 4, 2009

Dear Charlie,

I couldn't sleep last night, so I wrote something to Jasmine, I don't know why I'm showing you this... I guess I just need someone to understand me, anyways here is what I wrote:

"I really don't know what else to do, I'm being patient about the whole situation but to be honest, I'm scared, I'm so scared that I may lose you. I don't know why I am though, I just am.

 I've been trying to think about other things, but it always en up by the thought of you...

  I want you with me, I want you for me, but I can't, I don't want to make you  do something you don't want to do. You don't deserve more pain, I don't want to be another guy in your life, I want to be the one, I wish that with all of my heart. I wish that you would give me a chance, a chance to love you, to make you smile, to make you happy...

  I don't know if all this sound honest or pure and utter bullshit to you, but know that I'm talking my heart out. Everything I always wanted to tell you. But I don't want to say it by phone or letter, I want you here, next to me and look at your eyes as I say it, "I love you" that's all I want and ever wanted."

  I don't know if this would help me Charlie, but I needed to write, because it is the only thing that actually helps me get better, even if its little by little.

 Love,

Joctan.

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