The New Boy- Completed

Twenty Nine

"I can't actually believe Sterling just fucking left you for her." Kelsie spoke beside me. I just kept walking turning down hallway after hallway. I don't think I'd properly got lost in these halls in years. I knew it pretty well now but it was still easy to get disorientated, especially if you weren't focusing. 

So I was. I was tracking the rooms and where we had gone past, listing them in my head, trying to recall the last time that room was used and what it was for. 

I was spending most of my time doing this these days. Finding anything that pushed my brain to really work, just so I couldn't think about him. Even this wasn't working. Not when the last time we went into those rooms was me showing him around. 

"What a fucking joke." She spoke again, clearly trying to break me from my thoughts, make me let out the rage I had been suppressing this month. "Fay?" 

"Yeah?" My voice was weak, like I'd been screaming and shouting for days. It was croaky and quiet. 

"You're not okay are you?" 

"I'll be fine." 

"Fay. You're not okay." 

"I'll be fine." I repeated, watching the tip of my shoes come out of the dress with each step. Little details you don't really notice when everything is great. You don't look down at your feet for long periods of time and you don't watch how your dress kind of floats when it comes back down to the floor. 

I appreciated Kelsie trying. Trying to be a friend right now when my whole knowledge of the world was crumbling. She was trying to restore my faith in friendship but I honestly think it was dwindling with every second he wasn't here. Ana had always been a bitter taste in my mouth. From the moment he met her. I hated her with a passion. But if that's who he wanted then I'd keep my mouth shut. I wanted him to be happy. But when she was around, I wasn't. She made sure of it. The last time she pulled him away from everyone. Even his family barely saw him. 

And now he was going back to her, everything was going to go back to that and he just showed me exactly where I sat on his priority list when it came to her. Even after she broke his heart as bad as he had. Even after I'd built him up and fucking asked him to marry me. He still, not even an hour later, chose her. He'd always choose her. 

I wasn't the top of anyone's list anyway. Not Sterling's, he had Ana, Not my dad's he had the boys and the grandkids, Not Kelsie's she had her fiancé, Not anyone else in my families, Not the countries. I literally did not matter. In any way shape or form. 

The most useless royal, useless sister, useless bestfriend. 

Useless. 

"Hey-um can you do me a favor?" I turned to Kelsie, giving her a soft smile. "Can you grab me some flat shoes from my room? Or find someone to bring them down to the music room for me? I think I just want to play." 

"I mean-sure?" She took a few steps back. 

"I'm fine Kels. I just need a few minutes." She nodded, turning around and walking away. I took my heels off, leaving them on the floor and running down the hallway. I needed to get away right now. Before everyone was watching me again and I had to pretend like everything was perfectly fine. It's not like anyone would miss me anyway. Maybe for a little bit but life would go on. 

Pushing the garden doors open and escaping into the freezing woods. It's only mid February. It's cold out but not freezing. If I just keep moving I'll be fine. I just need to make it until my head is clear. Maybe in the morning I'll be okay to come back. To deal with everything head on after a break. A break I should have had in Paris in December but I'd spent it with him. Ever letting him near me was my first mistake. My second was falling in love with him. My third was believing he'd never hurt me. My fourth was thinking he'd love me forever when it wasn't even 6 weeks. I'd done paintings that had taken longer than our whole relationship. 

I wandered around the woods all night, hiding in the bushes, sitting in trees, walking along the fallen trunks. I was frozen to the core but at least the anger wasn't here. I was too cold. I couldn't be in a burning rage if I'm frozen. 

I climbed up the ruins down on the far side of the gardens. Remnants of old buildings that fell into disrepair centuries ago and nature took back hold of them. Now we just maintain them. They're beautiful as they are. A history we would never want to destroy any further so there they will stay. 

There was a point in time when this building was one of the most important in the family. It held chances for the future. It wasn't the most important but important still. And slowly over time, its necessity slipped, and slipped. With every new building brought to life, it began being forgotten about. It was only remembered when it was causing trouble or needed work doing to it, or when it looked pretty. Otherwise it just stands here, existing in the background of everyone's lives. I think that's why I love it so much. It reminded me of myself. 

I sat in the tower, feet up against the wall on the side opposite my back. Letting my eyes roam around the brick work in the silence. Birds slowly waking up and filling the air with a feeling that spring was right around the corner. But right now it was cold. Cold and icy. I looked up at the sky, kind of hoping it would start raining. Hope for some melodramatic film scene to take place that would end with everything being okay. 

I'd dance in the freezing rain and one of them would appear from nowhere, assure me I was important. Make me feel like I mattered. 

But it didn't rain. 

Not even a sprinkle. 

And no one was going to care enough to come and save me. 

I didn't have a knight in shining armor looking out for me. 

Not now anyway. 

So if I wanted saving I'd have to do it myself. Pull myself out of this pit and find something to give this fucking horrible life some more meaning. 

I pulled myself to my feet, turning slowly and walking back home. I had work to do.