Everything or Nothing

The Panini Press

Summary:
Who said being petty never pays?
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The next point of contention is, surprisingly, Chuuya's fault.

Dazai turns around, nudging a scrap piece of paper away from his desk with his foot, surveying the damage. Chuuya isn't exactly messy. He vacuums, he disinfects surfaces, picks up his laundry—but he also sprawls, and Dazai has been watching the ever expanding clutter make it's way across their room, like an angry little empire of discarded sketches. "Would it kill you to use a trash can?"

Chuuya is slumped over his desk, head in his arms. "Trash can is full."

Dazai rolls his eyes, "Then I have a revolutionary suggestion—"

"If it bothers you that much, empty it yourself."

Dazai gawks. "No."

"Why not?"

"It's your trash—"

"Sure," Chuuya groans, not lifting his head. "But I already live with a human garbage can, so I guess I just don't notice the difference."

"Are you ever going to get over that night?!"

"Nope."

Dazai crosses his arms over his chest. "Are you depressed or something?"

"Huh?"

"You look like you're about to off yourself."

Chuuya grumbles tiredly into his arms "It's the first time I've had to do an assignment in traditional style in years."

"And...? It's the same thing."

Chuuya's eyebrow twitches. "It's really not."

"One is drawing on a tablet, the other is paper. Still the same—"

"It's not—" Chuuya snarls before forcing himself to calm down, slamming his head against his desk. "It's not the same, okay? Just leave me alone."

Dazai grumbles, but he can also grasp the fact that the conversation is not going anywhere, so...

Three days later, Chuuya comes home to find an obnoxious, bright orange line of duct tape laying across the middle of their room. "...You're kidding."

"Actually, Chibi, if you got to know me better, you'd know that I take boundaries very seriously."

Chuuya glares, "I don't want to get to know you."

"Great—" Dazai beams, "feeling's mutual. But if a single scrap of paper goes over that line—expect swift retaliation."

"...you're insane!"

"I think, one day, when you're older," Dazai muses, spinning in his chair like he's some wizened old man, "you'll see that I'm actually being pretty fair."

"Oh shut the fuck up—" Chuuya snarls, stomping towards the door. "I'm telling Kunikida-senpai!"

Dazai grins. "Oh?"

Typically, going to Kunikida has always worked in Chuuya's favor—because Dazai is an ass—and he has no reason to think it'll be different this time.

"Kunikida-senpai!"

The blonde groans, glaring at his calculus homework. "What?"

"Dazai just duct taped half of the room!"

"Chuuya-kun—" Kunikida starts, reaching for his glasses, "listen—"

"And I know you said I should try to just ignore him, because he's just trying to get a rise out of me, but—but—" Chuuya gestures wildly with his arms, "I don't use this word lightly senpai, but I'm—I'm—" he clearly wants to use the word pissed, but YEARS of a very expensive swear jar in their kitchen has him conditioned to say, "miffed!"