Everything or Nothing

Family Matters

Spring is turning into summer, meaning that even as Chuuya's surgery is growing closer, school terms are also ending.

"Are you sure? I can wait here, it's not a big deal—"

Chuuya silences Dazai, leaning up on his toes to press an easy, reassuring kiss against his lips. "You've been looking forward to Atsushi coming home for months, and you're only gonna be gone for a couple of hours. I'll be fine."

"But—"

"Your Dad even hired an emergency nurse to babysit me, remember?" Chuuya rolls his eyes. It's not like she babysits, exactly, but she does appear whenever his mobile heart monitor spikes.

(Which has led to several embarrassing incidents.)

"...I guess."

"He's gonna be excited to see you at the airport, your Dad is even going." Chuuya pushes at his chest, forcing the brunette to spin around and match towards the door. "I'm working on a project anyway, so I'd be ignoring you all afternoon."

"You would ignore me?" Dazai clutches his hands over his chest dramatically.

"Without hesitation."

"Wow. Tell me how you really feel, babe."

"Go!"

He practically has to bodily shove him out of the house, and it's ridiculous, it's only two hours. Which makes it all the more evident that Dazai has seldom left his side in weeks, and...

He feels bad about it, even if Dazai has told him not to at least a dozen times. Because Dazai could be out there, doing a million other things and...he's got Chuuya holding him back instead.

But, instead of lingering on the guilt, Chuuya tries to focus, because he really did have plans for this afternoon, and after weeks of hovering, with Dazai and Mori both out of the house for a few hours, it's nice to have a little alone time.

Which mostly translates to Chuuya changing into an old, oversized t-shirt and sweat pants, stretching out in front of a canvas in one of the drawing rooms. It used to be an empty entertaining space, but Mori had it converted into a little makeshift studio. Not that Chuuya asked him to, he was actually a little mortified that the doctor went to the trouble—but he insisted that it would be a good form of 'stress relief.' And it is.

It's given Chuuya some semblance of actually being able to work, and even if it's at a much slower pace, he's still trying to finish his course work from the spring semester.

(On his bad days he gets depressed and listless, telling himself that there isn't even a point in trying to finish, because he's never going to get to go back, but—)

It's important for him to feel like he has something to work towards.

Which is what has led him here, finishing up a piece for his oil painting class. It isn't his favorite medium by far, but the fact that it's challenging also makes it a distraction, something he can lose himself in.

It's a portrait—and his original intention had been to do one of himself, or maybe Ane-san, but...every time, they always seemed to turn into Dazai, to the point where Chuuya just said 'fuck it' and abandoned his initial plan.

Dazai is actually someone who translates really well into oil paints. The natural earthy tones of his hair, his eyes, the way his natural features highlight light and shadow—it's easy to work with. And, well, Chuuya has spent so much time staring at his boyfriend over the last year, he really doesn't need to check photo references that often.