Everything or Nothing

Eco-Friendly-Friends-With-Benefits

He makes it back to Tokyo three days later, and moving back into his dorm room this time is a slightly different experience. Partially because he's just not moving his entire life this go around, and...He also just so happens to have a slightly different reaction this time, when he sees his roommate.

Dazai barely has time to look up from his book before Chuuya leaps into his mattress, the springs bouncing under them, "Ch—? What are you doing?"

"You ruined my life," Chuuya mutters, stretching out on top of him like an oversized stuffed animal.

"What did I do this time?!"

Chuuya groans against Dazai's shirt, his spine aching when he rolls over to lay next to him on the bed, "Riding coach back after you sent me there in the Buckingham Palace of planes sucked."

Dazai rolls his eyes. "Was it really that bad?"

"Have you ever flown coach?"

"No."

"Then you don't know, okay? It sucks." Chuuya grumbles, trying not to show the fact that he practically shivers with happiness when Dazai wraps one arm around his back, holding Chuuya against him.

"Even first class is slumping it for me," Dazai shrugs, "I wouldn't know."

"Huh?"

"Well, we usually fly private," Dazai explains, his fingertips rubbing slow circles against the small of Chuuya's back.

"You charter a plane every single time?"

"No," Dazai snorts, shaking his head, "We own one."

"Don't snort at me like your family owning a plane was the obvious answer." Chuuya mutters, dropping his face back against Dazai's chest. "I'm the normal one."

Dazai laughs again, this time a little louder. "You are not normal."

Chuuya lifts his head with a glare, "What's that supposed to—?"

Dazai cuts him off with his lips.

Chuuya doesn't push back, and it's nice, just being able to do this like it's normal, because Chuuya did say Dazai could do it as much as he wanted—and god, does he want him to—

He lets out a soft pant when Dazai flips them over, until his roommate is hovering over him, one knee between Chuuya's legs, and Chuuya is anything but unreceptive, hitching one leg up around Dazai's waist as he kisses him back, wrapping his arms around his neck.

And this is okay, right?

Sure, Chuuya knows that he's setting himself up for heartbreak, but he already tried dating someone else while he still had feelings for Dazai—and that crashed and burned. So...even if this isn't what he wants, it's better, right?

When Dazai's tongue meets his, Chuuya lets out a low noise, pressing closer—all while a little voice in the back of his head is whispering—

He didn't actually say that he liked you.

"I can't be your boyfriend."

Chuuya gets why. But...would it have hurt for Dazai to actually say how he felt?

Though it's not like Chuuya did either.

And he's definitely not ready to say it himself. Not after what happened the last time he tried to say something. But this is better than nothing, and the weight of Dazai on top of him is solid, grounding—and he just...holds him tighter.