Everything or Nothing

Boys / Girls

Content Warning: Biphobia
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Dazai would like to argue that while he is excellent at denial—at this point it's his oldest coping mechanism—that he isn't stupid. Sure, after that event, he's becoming aware of...something.

Of course, in the usual pattern of his life, Dazai goes to one of his closest friends who also just so happens to be the worst person to ask.

Fyodor barely looks up from his laptop as his former classmate flops across his bed. "I deeply regret giving you a key."

"Too late, I've already made like three copies, you're never getting rid of me..." Dazai sighs heavily, his face dropping into Fyodor's pillow. "Where's Nikolai?"

"Class, he likes going at night..." Fyodor slowly turns around to stare at him. "Why do you look like that?"

"Like what?"

"All..." Fyodor wrinkles his nose. "Vulnerable and all of that garbage. Honestly, it's distasteful to watch."

"Sorry," Dazai mutters, his voice a little muffled, "I forgot to not act like a human being with feelings again."

"Please don't do it again—it gives me the creeps."

"Well, it's funny you say that..." Dazai trails off slowly, making Fyodor groan tiredly.

"What?"

"...I actually have a serious question." Dazai mutters, and the Russian finally drops the cold and disgusted act.

"What is it?"

"...When did you figure out that you liked guys?"

"If this conversation ends with you asking to practice on me or something, I'm going to throw you out the window before my boyfriend even makes it—"

"God, no—" Dazai throws his hands up, looking grossed out at the thought. "I'd rather lick a toilet seat."

"Wow."

"Wait, that—" Dazai wipes a hand down his face, wishing that, at some point in his life, he would just learn when to shut up. "That came out wrong—"

"Did it really?" Fyodor's eyes narrow, "Please, don't hold back your disgust—"

"No! It's just—I already kissed someone."

"..." Fyodor's eyebrows shoot up with shock as he stares him down. "I'm assuming this someone was a boy?"

Dazai's uncomfortable silence—and, mind you, it's rare for him to be uncomfortable—is enough of an indication that he's correct.

"And you're panicking because you liked it?" Fyodor shrugs, "That's not the end of the world. It doesn't necessarily mean anything. Sometimes, guys are kind of fluid. It's not like the feeling—"

Then, he notices the look on Dazai's face.

"...persisted?"

Dazai grimaces, and Fyodor's jaw goes slack.

"Oh."

It's sort of...

Well, Fyodor and Dazai might have spent a year apart when the older boy went off to college the year before, but...He remembers how popular his friend was with the girls—and that he enjoyed them just as much as they enjoyed him.

So, it's...shocking.

"Do you...just wanna fuck the guy?" Fyodor offers, cutting straight to the heart of Dazai's usual motivations.