Stonathan ❤️

136

NOT MINE!!

all credits go to anything_thats_rock_and_roll on ao3

It's a mess. They're a mess, and Steve hates it. Romance is a game Steve had thought he was good at, or at least one he'd thought had clear winners and losers. But there are no winners here. They've all done shitty things, said shitty things, to each other, and they're all miserable. He almost wishes he'd never had anything to do with Nancy Wheeler or Jonathan Byers, except he can't. Despite everything, he knows he'd do it all over again, re-make every mistake, because apparently Steve is a masochist.

When Nancy had suggested they all get together and talk, he'd thought it was all over. He'd been prepared to hear that Nancy and Jonathan were officially a couple now, and that they could all put this interminable purgatory behind them. It would kill him to watch the girl he'd loved so much and the guy he can't seem to get out of his head live happily ever after together, but he'd (tried to) make his peace with it. Which makes it both better and worse when it turns out she really did want them all to talk: some grand airing of feelings and grievances with, presumably, the overly optimistic goal of coming to some kind of conclusion.

But it all became way too much way too fast, and when Nancy went to go cool off, under the poor disguise of getting them all sodas from downstairs, Steve had climbed out Nancy's window to sit on the roof. He thinks about lighting a cigarette, just for something to focus on, but his lighter isn't in his pocket and he's sure as shit not going to climb back through the window just to get one.

Which is why it's such a surprise when Jonathan clambers out after him, settling gingerly beside Steve, and procures a lighter seemingly out of nowhere. Steve nods his thanks and takes a deep breath, savoring the burn of smoke in his lungs. Something should be on fire right now- better a cigarette than the whole damn house, better his lungs than his heart.

"You're trying too hard," Jonathan says, apropos of nothing.

"What?" asks Steve, mildly annoyed.

"To be 'a good guy,'" Jonathan clarifies.

Steve blinks in surprise, because when did Byers learn to read minds? How does he know that Steve is trying desperately here to redeem himself, that all he wants is to figure out how to make the right choice, the one that won't end up hurting any more people than he already has?

"Dude, I'm pretty sure I can smell your brain overheating. Stop thinking so hard. Stop trying to figure out what the 'right' answer is. What do you want?"

Steve's stomach drops. He can't ever remember someone genuinely asking him what he wants. Not in a sexy way, or as a thinly veiled threat, but as an honest question.

"Why does it matter?" Steve replies, with a dark chuckle.

"Because there's a big difference between trying to be considerate of other people while going after what you want and letting everyone tell you what to do because you're afraid of stepping on a few toes. One of those makes you a good guy. The other makes you a doormat."

Jonathan continually surprises Steve with how thoughtful and perceptive he is. It's one of the things that makes him so attractive.

"I used to go after what I wanted. Or what I thought I wanted," Steve admits. "And people got hurt. I can't do that again."

"You're not that guy anymore, Steve." Jonathan's voice is earnest, painfully so.

"But what if I go back? To being him? I can't trust myself to not do that." Steve is whispering now.