Sometimes I wish I could disappear. Not die but just. Cease to exist.
Michaela's journal
Table of contents-
December~ hi
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i dont know why i did it
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sexualities are confusing
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i hate fighting with my brother
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my fault
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i'm too nice for my own good
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2022 is over
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i'll be the better man this time
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i don't understand love
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jealously, jealousy
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i love my brother
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i can't focus
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i feel like a burden
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it gives me an ick
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Nico is dying
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bye
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i'm back
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rant
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i'm sorry
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i hate myself
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bullies
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he's gone
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nevermind
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my brother
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i'm scared
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he's back
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and i thought high school might be okay
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i'm an Evan Hansen kinnie
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i'm not okay
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i'm really not okay
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i hate being the youngest
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i'm trying
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i'm scared of everything
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numb
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Ollie
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i hate this
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i'm so selfish
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i wish i was normal
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future kids
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i've never felt like this before
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i don't believe in soulmates
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stupid
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she could kill me
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i ruined everything
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i don't pretend
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Eleanor is dating Livi
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not fair
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i'm jealous
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against the rules
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it doesn't help
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why am I like this?
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home
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forget
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why i am the way i am
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valentine's day
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my grandparents are dead (to me at least)
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i can't take this anymore
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why is someone always in the hospital?
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my dad is weird
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guess i'll have 7 years of bad luck
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i miss Austin
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i'm really confused
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i love Taylor Swift
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i hate it when we fight
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my first quest
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i really hate my brother
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Eleanor likes me
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i like Eleanor
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when has the universe ever been fair?
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most people don't stay
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i love you too
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i miss my brother
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i don't know what to do
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i'm just sorry for everything
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bandaids don't fix bullet holes
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i guess it's okay
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i'm not a bad person
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i know all about trauma
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"it"
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March
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i'm dying
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i'm a horrible person
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kids, alcohol is bad
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i love Eleanor
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no matter the season
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what if i'm not good enough
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i feel so sick
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irony is cruel
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is it so wrong?
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why can't people be honest
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i got to use a sledgehammer
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does Hades allow this?
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i want to get better
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four winds
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i hate that word
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maybe i overreacted?
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fire
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i want to do something stupid
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this place is hell
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oops Kayla that's a naughty word
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i'm going insane
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surgery
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i wish i hadn't left
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genders are weird
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not okay not okay not okay
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picture of you
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don't know what i'm feeling
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i'm so glad my dad married a rich guy
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i dont't know
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talk
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disappear
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still numb
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recovery
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Livi
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wish
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roommate
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swear
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thinking
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me again
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facetime
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wish i didn't care
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why do people cheat?
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first day
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archery
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how i think relationships should be
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love triangles are so cliché
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why do i ruin everything
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now those don't even sound like words anymore
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ruin
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breathe
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pointing fingers
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duty
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infirmary
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guilt
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mind is a prison
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homesick
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Will
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you can't save everyone
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what-ifs
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this isn't working
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not worthless
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Atabey
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things i like about myself
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too far gone
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feel better
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Abby
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visitors
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idea
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Isabella
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what i want
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i really hate fire
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so stupid
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speech
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10 things i learned in the past year
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i kinda really hate owning a uterus
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speak now
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weird
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forget everything
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future
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i'm such a loser
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i will never learn
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stay stay stay
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next chapter
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finally
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manipulating
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what a day
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one thing
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done
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because i liked a girl
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please
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just in case
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before Eleanor
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why
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changes
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understand
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forget it
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even more new things
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this is so embarrassing
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why does everything have to change
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tired
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someday
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not my fault (for once)
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thief
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facts
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why i love Eleanor
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missing out
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dream
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me
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question
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the thing
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sick
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snap
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can she just not
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i really hate those kids i'm not going to lie
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strong
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tightope
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don't tell anyone
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easier
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miss you already
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to be continued:0
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