I felt really sick all day yesterday and then I had a nightmare. I mean I usually have nightmares but this one was more vivid than usual. I think the sooner I can get back to camp the safer I'll feel. Also James got Estelle pregnant and Estelle's brother punched James in the nose. I still laugh that Dad thinks she's my soulmate, especially now that she's apparently pregnant with my niece or nephew.
Will's going to be gone on his honeymoon all week. I wonder if I'm making myself sick. I don't think so. But maybe. Eleanor went to the wedding because no one could take them to the hospital and she said she hid in the bathroom most of the time. I wish they could've come here instead. I missed her all day. They came afterwards but I was already asleep and now they're asleep. I need to say something that I can't tell a single person because it's so horrible but when Will was standing up there, the most selfish part of me was hoping he'd say no. Or that Nico would leave him there. Or something would happen that would stop the wedding. I know. I'm a horrible person. And I'd give anything to see what everyone else sees and understand but I don't, I still wish it was someone else and I think I'll be apologizing for it for the rest of my life.
