The only parent I've even known is my father. The same father who regrets promising my hand away at the age of two. The same father who hopes my marriage would've changed for the better.
I don't remember the little bit of time in the orphanage, or with my biological parents. I was a young infant when it all happened. Laurance was too young to piece anything together accurately into a memory.
Sometimes I would think about them. Who made me a blonde? Where did I get the brown eyes from? I share my brother's nose. Which parent had our nose? Laurance is a brunet. Is it because of our mother or father? His blue eyes? Why is he tan but I am pale?
Father is a mix of us both. Brown hair. Brown eyes. Only Cadenza appears to be an outsider within our small family.
I know I shouldn't think of this all. I'd never get answers.
Sometimes I think they died of sickness. Perhaps childbirth. I wish it wasn't a lack of food.
All I've known is Zvahl.
Now, I'm a Ro'meave.
"Eleanor, do you think I've begun to fill out?"
My hands cup my stomach, forcing my chemise tight against my skin. I stare at myself in the mirror, trying to depict a change.
"Not that I'm aware of, ma'am," she tells me, laying my bodice against the back of a chair. She holds my stockings in her hands. "I haven't noticed a change in your corset strings, either."
I nod my head. She hands me the stockings, and I slip them on over my feet, tying them in place with garters.
"Strange. Perhaps I'm getting into my own head," I confess, standing for my corset. "I've heard far too much about children from practically everyone. I suppose I just wish for it to be true to please others. Perhaps. . ."
The words are lost in my mind. Tugs on my corset strings bring me back to attention. Eleanor has increased her dressing speed since the first day she started here.
By the time lace is pinned at my neck, a knock on my doors causes me to look away from the lace at my wrists. Permission is granted to enter, but I regret my choices when Vylad's valet walks in.
"Anthony? Why the grave face?"
He visibly stiffens. His eyes dart away from mine, and this causes me to reach for the back of the chair, tightening my grip on it.
"Anthony, tell me what bothers you," I tell him. My feet begin to walk towards him. There's a sense of panic and jumpy nature in him as he tries to retreat. "Is something wrong?"
He drops into a bow. Anthony rarely acts this awkward around me. The most awkward encounter we have faced is a false proposal. Even then, we overlooked it with time. He came with me with endless apologies when I could look him in the eyes once again.
"Your Royal Highness," He starts. There's a hint of uncertainty in his voice. "Master has fallen ill. Unconscious, ill."
"What?" I turn to Eleanor before looking back towards Anthony. "Take me to him."
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°
He was awake early this morning. Far earlier than I was. Garroth claims the two were conversing, and he seemed rather confused on the matter at hand. Pale and sweating. This alarmed Garroth.
Garroth was able to convince Vylad to return towards his bed, and Garroth would find Zianna to tell him of Vylad's sudden downfall of health. He said that he had to support Vylad's weight against his body as the two walked slowly to his chambers.
Within the blink of an eye, Vylad had fallen unconscious at Garroth's feet.
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°
I've held his hand in mine for too long. Bodies come in and out of the room, but I force myself to remain. He won't wake up.
It scares me.
I've never thought of what would happen to me if I lost a husband. How would I be cared for? I'd have to go to Meteli. Who would want to marry a widow?
I jump to conclusions. To the worst of everything. I'm afraid. I pushed him away and let him back in all at the same time. When others distrusted me, he stayed with me regardless of what I've done.
He refused to allow me to become an outsider.
I could lose him.
Garroth and Kandi come through the chamber doors silently. Garroth stops and stares at me before taking a step back. "I'm sorry. I wasn't aware that you–"
I let go of Vylad's hand and rise to my feet. "It's alright." I wipe my hands on the skirts of my dress. I hadn't realized how sweaty they became. "I've lost track of time."
Garroth shakes his head and tells me to stay. Kandi appears to disagree with his words, crossing her arms over her chest.
"She's spent enough time here. Don't you think, dear brother?" She comments. "Only a few months ago she spit venom towards him."
I look down at Vylad before shaking my head. He doesn't need to wake to this if he were to open his eyes at this moment.
"I pray you never lose a child," I say, holding my hands in front of me. "And I pray that your marriage is full of nothing but love from the very beginning. That his family welcomes you in with open arms despite mistakes you've made in the past. I've made mistakes, and they appear to haunt me to this day. Garroth, please let me know if his status changes. I need air."
