An Englishman in Castle Aincrad

Floor 20 - Chapter 5 - The Sins of our Past

The discussion with Argo and Kirito had been a mixed bag, if he was honest. The pair hadn't known much more than he had, and what little they could say, it was outdated. Useful, admittedly, but outdated. The Justice System had been a thing back in the alpha test days, but had been scrapped in favour of the current cursor system for the beta test, if Kirito's almost encyclopedic knowledge on the development of SAO was anything to go by. Regardless, he'd never actually heard of the Justice System taking a physical form... much less actually communicating with someone, and providing them with a hint of what was going on, cryptic as it was. As it was currently though, that subroutine should've been locked away, never to see the light of day again...

Except it had, and that raised a couple of terrifying possibilities; most of which, he'd rather not think about too hard.

He'd gone for a walk around to clear his head and before too long, Jet found himself looking into the water that flowed through the town. It was calm, the rush of the water providing a peaceful backdrop for him to have a chance to think about everything. Not even just about the problem that was Quinella, and all the issues that had spelled out for them, but about something else that had been bothering him for a while - himself.

It was strange, but the past few days had solidified something in his mind - he was no hero. He was a fool playing a hero, perhaps, but not a hero. Heroes didn't walk their friends into an ambush, against their own instincts and better judgement, nor did they then go off on their own to investigate a hunch. Granted, that hunch had paid off, but it was the principle of it to him. That thought was soon put on the back burner as he felt something awkward - he was being watched. Even in his distracted state, he could still feel that much, but where from was a bit too much to ask... so he settled for his usual approach to answer that question.

''Whoever's there, come out.'' He stated to the cherry blossom trees behind him. If it weren't for his sense of unease, he'd have suggested he almost looked mad, but the strange feeling proved correct. From behind him, Rain stepped out, looking almost guilty at following him. Looking towards her, he simply sighed, and looked back to the water ahead of him.

''Sorry for following you, but... are you okay?''

''I nearly got everyone killed, or worse... Look, Rain, I just need to be alone for a bit.''

''It's not like you could've guessed we'd be ambushed!'' She rebuked, taking a seat next to him. ''If you're worried that we blame you for that... we don't.''

He looked into the water underneath to see his slightly distorted reflection in the waves. "Do you ever feel like the you that everyone sees, and the you that you know is you are completely different people?" As he spoke, the ripples in the water caused the reflection to distort further...

Beside him, Rain took a seat on the grass verge. "I don't think so, no. I see it as two sides to the same coin, I think. I'm not entirely sure what you're referring to, but if I were to guess... what you said to Koharu earlier? You think that the two parts of you; yourself and Jet, that they are completely incompatible as a single entity, and that has led you to rationalise it as two entirely different entities. This is causing you to have an identity crisis - Am I Jet, or am I myself? Would I be correct?" She asked. That was remarkable in how well she'd understood his inner conflict, without any details. She'd even summarised it better than he had, and it was his mind!

"Yeah... I think?"

She continued as he tried to work out whether she'd left anything out. "I'll assume that you see Jet as this gallant hero to the people, an idealist who fights on the side of those who need such a figure, whilst you see yourself as the polar opposite, or at least someone who doesn't embody those ideals to the degree you wish?"