Sunstreaker's Charge ✔️

Ch. 43 She'll Hate Me

Sideswipe's P.O.V.
Sunstreaker has been asleep for three hours. I know Lily is worried and not liking she can't see him. I have been watching Sunstreaker dream and feeling fear from him, even as he sleeps. This is very strange.  

"Sideswipe?" He weakly asks as he wakes up.
"You're in our room. Here, drink some water."
I show him the cup as he moves to the edge of the bed.
"Lily, she—."
"Easy, she's with Crosshairs and Drift. What happened?"
"I don't want to talk about it, but I know I'll have to, eventually."
With this reply and his sadness, I think I know what he's talking about. I will say nothing, but he doesn't realize Lily could find out one day.
Sunstreaker moves to the couch to watch T.V. as he's still feeling tired. I know he's worried about Lily. We'll see her in a couple of hours.

"Lily!" Crosshairs yells as Lily runs up to Sunstreaker.
Sunstreaker picks her up and hugs her, "I'm fine."
This is why she's confused. Nightmares return because he stays in the same room as her, but she watched him pass out and thought it was more serious and was worried about him. However, passing out from anxiety isn't good. Hard to believe it this happened to Sunstreaker of all Autobots.  I can feel he's afraid again as his hug tightens. Lily rests her head on his shoulder.
"She's been upset as if he was seriously injured or ill," Drift whispers.
"This is why the nightmares make little sense," I sigh, "I hate there's nothing we can do to help them."
I suspect Drift is going to try to figure out something.
Sunstreaker carries Lily to the cafeteria before setting her down. He takes her hand as we go to the kitchen.

Sunstreaker's P.O.V.
Even without being bonded, I know how sad Lily is. What worries me is how terrified she was seeing me pass out. I know she sat with me while I was getting oxygen, but I was so out of it.
After dinner, I take Lily to our art room. Now I see how terrified Lily is.

"I'm ok," I assure her.
"No, I'm hurting you. Apparently, Cybertronians can't love humans."
"You forget Jasmine and Ratchet are together. For a year now, but those two have liked each other for years. I remember Jasmine liking Ratchet when she was around your age. Though I couldn't picture Ratchet accepting he likes a pre-teen, even if that would have meant many more years together with Jasmine.... if things didn't happen the way they did. Also, Ratchet would have been called to get me to the medbay, but I went to my room."
I hug her before we continue our painting.

She loves me, and she's terrified I'll go home to Cybertron without her — though I doubt we can stay on Cybertron yet — or terrified if I get hurt. Though passing out didn't hurt me, I know it can be a medical issue, but this could disappear once I tell her  my history.

I'm informed there's a meeting with Lily and her family tomorrow.
"Do I need to give you something?" Ratchet asks as I walk by his office, "Drift still had to tell me what happened, and Optimus added to it, which is concerning."
"You heard Rung, I have to tell Lily about my past. I don't think it matters now much Lily loves me. My sire is right..."
"No, he's not. She fell for you. I believe her parents would know if she'd find this troubling. She might need time to process the information. Give her the space she needs if that happens. I'm still giving you something to relax during the meeting."
Ratchet gives me a small pill bottle with one tablet. He tells me to take it tomorrow morning. Hopefully, this should work before the meeting.

I struggle to fall asleep. I had to block my side of the bond to keep Sideswipe from waking up. Especially as I wake up hyperventilating. I look at the picture of Lily on my phone, terrified things will fall apart in eight hours. Breakfast could be the last time Lily and I have a nice time together. I don't think I'll be able to relax to take her out for breakfast.
Should I leave now? The groundbridge works even to Cybertron.

I sit on the hood of my alt mode, debating on leaving, when Drift walks into the hangar, turning on the lights.
"So you are here," he comments as he walks towards me.
"Thought I'd leave?"
"No, but I know you're struggling with anxiety."
"I probably should leave. The only reason I'm not back on Cybertron now is to get Lily not to be terrified of me. Though once she finds out my past...."
Talking about this is making me feel dizzy.
"Sit on the floor before you pass out."
Drift helps me sit by the wall, "Lily loves you to where your passing out terrified her. I don't think she'll walk away, but...."
"She'll probably want space for a long time," I sigh.
"Crosshairs, Lightning, and I can try to help her process the information. I don't know if the fact she watched you kill her captive will help."
"Just another challenge, and gee, what's next after this?!"
"I know it sucks," Drift sighs, "it's the same with Jamie."
Drift worries about my nightmare, hoping he can help me no matter the meeting outcome.

Lily's P.O.V.
I still worry about hearing there's a meeting with my family, Optimus, and Prowl. Add that Crosshairs, Drift, and Sideswipe aren't part of it. That Sunstreaker looks worried.

It's hard to believe what Optimus and Prowl are telling me. Even though I had a feeling my captive wasn't Sunstreaker's first kill. No one thought Sunstreaker would leave in the middle of the meeting.
"We were told at the meeting nine days ago," my mom admits, "but we're told that Sunstreaker had to tell you."
"I didn't think he'd be this worried about telling her," Optimus admits, "Lily, I can tell how much Sunstreaker loves you, and you love him. I can't say he'll change entirely, but he's trying."
I know Sunstreaker has likely decided he will do all he can to keep me from knowing if he's killed anyone. No way, after centuries, he'd stop.
"We are worried about your safety around him," mom adds, "but we can tell you love him. If you can change your mind about him after watching him kill. As strange as it sounds, that shows how much you love him."
It's the chance of watching Sunstreaker kill, and if he'll force me to or do anything, that's concerning. He's trying hard to change for me. I know it'll likely never be 100%, but his trying says a lot.
It's suggested that I think about what I was told before talking to Sunstreaker. However, we know how worried he is.