Ch. 50 Uncertain

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Lily's P.O.V.
Ratchet sees that over-the-counter pain relief is all I need, and I didn't have a nightmare last night. Ratchet lets Sunstreaker takes me to my room, happy that he can carry me.

"I can't wait for you to get your own room to decorate," Sunstreaker comments as he sets me on the bed, "your brother has good style, but I want to see your style."
"That probably will happen when I'm sixteen... I hope. That's still four years away, and I don't want to wait six years."
Maybe for your birthday next year. Even if it's later this year, that's not enough time to get your parents to trust me.
"Yeah, I doubt you'll be successful by July."
"So, no celebrating your birthday together? You'll be at camp," Sunstreaker sulks.
Sunstreaker sits on the bed beside me and hugs me, "then we're celebrating early, but first, you need to study. Otherwise, there goes our camping trip."
"You realize I'm going to summer school if I don't pass? Also, who knows if Ratchet is having me rest for ten days again?"
"Considering the grades on the makeup work and how your teacher believes you can take a test rather than assume you are behind, I think you'll do fine."
Sunstreaker goes to work out while I study.

Sunstreaker's P.O.V.
I was going to work out until I saw Drift isn't busy. I should be talking to Rung, especially while on medication, but I'd rather talk to him.
".... I just... I don't know...," I finish.
"You need to relax," Drift reminds me, "Lily loves you. She didn't like that you didn't join us for lunch last Thursday. Ignoring Crosshairs and I telling her to stop running. She was also frightened seeing you pass out. We'll deal with your sire if he turns up. No one even knows if he's alive."
With nothing else to say, I go to my room to get changed.

Sideswipe decides he wants to join me, which is odd.
"Are you that bored that video games aren't fun?"
"Uh..."
"Don't tell me you're still that worried about me?"
"And what if I am?!"
"Ridiculous; let's go."

After a warm-up, Sideswipe and I do a little combat training. I think Sideswipe was just bored.
"Are you going to make Lily wait to do any training?" Sideswipe pants.
"It's up to her parents first. I'd be in trouble if I decided she should do any training or even workouts. She wants to join N.E.S.T. even if she has to wait until eighteen."
"Then it's a good thing she's far from eighteen and too skinny."
"I worry there's a problem even Ratchet has yet to identify."
"I don't think I'll ever get used to how much you worry about a human. Still, to where you pass out isn't good."
We train for another half-hour.

With Ratchet's approval, Sideswipe plays video games with Lily. I have to watch for signs that the light from the T.V. is bothering Lily. It's a nice relaxing hour before lunch. This is our routine for the week, though I'll replace working out with art tomorrow and Thursday. Even if we're going to be working on art in the afternoon when Lily isn't studying. Oh, scrap, I forgot I also have appointments with Rung.
Lily is ready for a nap after lunch, which Ratchet says is fine even if it appears Lily isn't dealing with a serious concussion, as symptoms vary.
Sideswipe stays in Lily's room.

I figured Drift would tell Rung about our conversation. Rung is happy that I trust Drift enough to talk to him. He's still worried about my high anxiety and wants to work on my anger so I hopefully can stop worrying about hurting Lily. I wouldn't be surprised if Rung hopes I'll continue to see him, and hopefully, my psychopath ways will end. After all these centuries, I doubt it.
After talking to Optimus about needing to go on a morning patrol tomorrow for Ironhide - amazed he's not telling me I need to return to doing morning patrol - I return to Lily's room to find her studying.

"Sideswipe is not pleased that I didn't want to play video games," Lily tells me, "even after I told him if I don't need summer school, then I'll be here for a month before summer camp. Also, finds it odd I'm studying this much."
"I'm just wondering how long that'll last."
The displeased look I get is cute. I leave her alone.

Sideswipe's P.O.V.
Lily finally stopped studying and plays video games with me. She's worried about not seeing Sunstreaker. We have yet to discuss when to teach Lily how Sunstreaker and I are split-spark twins and can feel each other's emotions. She never asked how I could feel Sunstreaker was sleeping when she asked where Sunstreaker was. I don't know if we can hold off until she can bond with Sunstreaker. Eventually, she'll ask how I know Sunstreaker's emotions. At least for now, I can argue I saw him a few minutes ago, and he's fine. It's true; I can feel he's in a good mood.

After an hour of losing races to Lily, Sunstreaker walks into our room. Lily pauses the game to hug him, and he picks her up and sits on the couch with her on his lap.
"Ok, back to beating you, Sideswipe," Lily says, resuming the game. I love feeling how happy Sunstreaker is. This is a different happiness. Different from the happiness I felt after we were separated and finally found each other. Happiness I never thought I'd feel from Sunstreaker. I kind of want to know how Lily is feeling. Is she still confused or uncertain about Sunstreaker's history and their relationship? I don't think she feels unsafe around Sunstreaker. She's terrified something could be seriously wrong with Sunstreaker. Ratchet isn't concerned, so Sunstreaker's physical health must be fine, but he's haunted by our sire's abuse. While he's already mentally abused, I worry his anxiety will cause further mental health problems.


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