Little Dipper

Simulation

"Jesús, we're coming in." Gideon said after knocking on the door.

"Your grandmother said we could come in." Wendy said as she opened it.

Inside, the room was completely dark except for the screen Soos was staring at. "Whoa. This is creepy." Wendy commented.

"What is that?" Dipper asked, pointing at the screen.

"Oh, hey, dudes! Sorry, I'm a bit busy right now." Soos said, staring at the screen still. "Can we hang out later?"

"When, after you finish the game?" Wendy asked, turning on the light.

"Ahh!" Soos recoiled from the florescent light and looked out the window. "Oh, man, how long have I been playing?"

"You got the game on Saturday, it's Monday." Gideon said, walking over and picking up the case. "It says not to play in a dark room, you know."

"Have you been playing this same game all day?" Mabel asked.

"She understands me. She loves me." Soos said, rubbing at his eyes. "Oh, but come to think of it, I'm feeling really sore from sitting so long."

"Let's get you to the mall to meet some real girls." Gideon shook his head and set the disc down. "Come on, turn it off." He reached for the computer.

"Oh, uh, I think we can leave it on. Yeah." Soos nodded, getting up. "Let's go."

"What about the woods?" Wendy asked.

"After. We need to fix this problem." Mabel told her.

"Which one, his lack of a girlfriend or his addiction to a dating sim?" Bill asked.

"Hopefully, both." Gideon replied. "Come on, my limo's outside."

As they left the room, the screen glitched and Giffany's sweet smile distorted into a hideous grimace before the screen went dark and the nearby electronics acted up.

–

"Alright, so hopefully you have learned a few things from the game and can hold a conversation with a woman." Mabel said as they stepped into the mall.

"I highly doubt it. If I'd known that he was going to a dating sim for advice, I would've told him right away it was a stupid move. Those things are programmed, and you can load after making mistakes. Nothing like real women. You'll find more about how to talk to women at a cathouse." Bill shook his head with a chuckle.

"A cathouse?" Dipper asked. "What's that?"

"A place for adults." Bill told him.

"Calling it at a cathouse is confusing for kids. Call it a whorehouse, or a brothel." Wendy said, rolling her eyes.

"I don't normally talk about brothels around children, anyway. Or at all." Bill shrugged.

"What's a brothel?" Dipper asked.

"I don't think I know that one, either." Gideon commented.

"It's an adult thing, and I'm not telling any of you kids." Bill said, shaking his head.

"Don't make us ask Stan." Mabel grinned.

"Seriously? He'll be mad if I finds out you heard the word at all! Ugh, fine, it's where people go to pay someone to have sex with them. Happy?" Bill crossed his arms over his chest.

"Oh." Mabel blushed.

"What's sex?" Dipper asked.

"I'll tell you when you're older!" Mabel declared.

"You shouldn't even know." Bill remarked.

"Why DO you know?" Wendy asked.

"Do you see anyone that interests you?" Gideon asked, focusing on the task at hand.

"Mm...a few. But, what if they don't like me?" Soos asked.

"Jesús, you are a charming, young man that just needs a bit of real-world experience. Wasting away playing a dating sim doesn't help you at all. Now, come on, let's try one of these women over here." He led Soos over to a couple women chatting. "Good day, ladies."

"Oh, hi!" They smiled cheerfully.

"We were wondering if you would mind us sitting with you for a bit?" Gideon asked.

"That's no problem!" One of them nodded.

"Good." Gideon looked at Soos. "Start slow, don't scare them." He whispered. "You can do this."

–

"I don't understand, what did I do wrong?" Soos asked gloomily.

"Well, maybe yelling 'load' and 'undo' might've upset them, after you already offended them with your blunt statements." Gideon sighed heavily. "Okay, maybe 'charming' was an exaggeration."

"'You can't undo who you are'." Bill said dramatically before laughing. "That lady, wow!"

"Good to see your mood has improved." Mabel frowned.

"Schadenfreude always works to bring up my mood." Bill grinned.

"Well, it's not helping Jesús with his problem." Gideon sighed, watching the man glumly walk away.

"Poor Soos." Dipper frowned.

Soos sighed as he walked past a few TVs, then gasped when he suddenly saw Giffany in them. "Giffany?"

"Hi, darling!" She said sweetly. "I told you I was special! You look sad, did those horrible girls hurt you?"

"You were right, they don't understand me. I messed up, and I tried to redo, but..." He sighed.

"Oh, baby, did they laugh at you?" She cooed. "It's okay, come home with me and--"

"Question Mark, what'cha watching there?" Bill asked, walking up to them. Giffany quickly blipped out of sight.

"Oh, that was Giffany." Soos said, looking at the screen. "I guess you scared her."

"Huh. Well, we were gonna get something to eat. Join us?" Bill offered.

"Sure." He nodded, walking away from the TVs.

"So, Giffany is...an A.I.?" Bill asked.

"Well, I guess so! She's from the dating sim!" Soos said cheerfully.

"A.I.s are mixed bags, you never know what they might do if you go against their programming." Bill shook his head. "Bad idea, man."

"She's adorable." Soos defended.

Giffany blipped onto the screen again, her expression dark, before blipping out again.