Hot as Hall

Chapter Thirty Nine

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You know a day is going to be shitty when you wake up still pissed off about the one before. Everything about yesterday was sheer perfection until the very last moments when I found out Zoe's been working with her ex fiancé the last few months, and never mentioned it.

It all makes sense now. Her hesitation to hire him. Her disdain at having to work together. The way she had to talk herself into giving him a chance. In a roundabout way, she's been telling me for weeks.

Except she hasn't.

She never out right said the words, "I'm working with a man I thought I could spend the rest of my life with at one point."

The worst part of this whole ordeal is that I know I'm overreacting. I know I'm taking my past experience and I'm generalizing it to what's going on with Zoe, but lying, even by omission, hits too close to home. Zoe isn't Gwen, and every rational part of me knows that, but it's the vulnerable, scared-to-be-cheated-on-again side that has me in a choke hold.

Deep in my heart, I know it doesn't make sense to be mad at Zoe, so instead, I direct my fury at that slimy bastard, Zane. A guy who hides his entire family from a girl doesn't have a respectable bone in his entire body, and, somehow, he's got her fooled into thinking he's only here for work. I don't care how good of a vet the guy is—he's back here for her.

Zoe and I didn't part on the best of terms last night, and I tossed and turned all night with regrets. A few times, I considered tracking the guy down and tearing him limb from limb, knocking his teeth out and leaving him with enough bruises to disfigure that pretty boy face.

I hate this side of me. I hate feeling jealous. I hate feeling out of control. I hate feeling like I'm the last to know.

I'm mad at Zane for the way he's played Zoe. I'm mad at Zoe for not telling me who he was from the start. I'm mad at myself for taking this so personally. Hell, I'm even mad at the boys for getting attached to Zoe so quickly. This was exactly the kind of bullshit I was trying to avoid, and now it's slapped me right in the face from the place I least expected it.

If I had the time, I'd lay in bed and wallow in my own self pity all day, but unfortunately, I've got responsibilities. Morgan and I have our monthly meeting at two, and there isn't a chance in hell that's going to improve my mood. For the last two weeks, I've been running calls on my own and back in the captain's seat, but there's been no official word on reinstating me. At this point, it's got to be personal. I've jumped through his hoops, I've played his game, I've proven myself. If he can't see that I'm fully capable of taking my house back, the guy's gotta be blind.

Regardless, I know I have to get a hold of myself before I meet with him. I can't go in there guns blazing and expect it to end well.

I jump in the shower, securing the temperature dial on cold and letting the water pound down into my back. It's freezing, and takes my breath away at first, but after a few seconds, I start to get used to it. Either that, or my body is numb.

Once I'm ready, I take the long way to the firehouse, passing by Zoe's place. Everything is still and I don't see any sign of her. What exactly did I expect? For her to be standing out front with a giant apology poster?

I know I've got to talk to her at some point today, too, but I'm not sure what I'll say.

I love Zoe. I really do. The last few months with her, I've felt more myself than I have in years and I can't imagine walking away now. But that doesn't mean I'm okay being left in the dark. I know she doesn't like to talk about it, but a heads up would have been nice. It's not like I'm willing to throw out our entire relationship over this, but it doesn't sit well with me, either, and it's got me leery of what else she might be keeping from me.

Second line is at the firehouse so I don't see any of my team when I pull up. It always feels weird coming into work on an off day, like I'm a stranger in my own house.

Morgan is waiting for me in the office when I walk in, making himself comfortable in my chair, behind my desk.

"Good to see you, Hall. Come on in." He doesn't even look up from the stack of paperwork in front of him.

He finally looks up at me, grinning as he lounges back in the chair with his hands behind his head. "Well, it sounds like the last several shifts have gone smoothly. What are your thoughts?"

"Yeah, they have." I agree. "Every call has been efficient, and I don't have a single complaint. Guys are working well together."

"Morale good?"

I nod. "No one's skipped a beat. The team is just as tight as we were a few months ago."

"That's good to hear." Morgan glanced down again, and I seize the opportunity.

"Does that mean you're going to reinstate me?"

Morgan stiffens, folding his hands in the desk and I already don't like where this is going. "Hall, you know I'm on your side here, but it's going to take more than a few successful, low risk calls to prove to me you're ready."

I clench my jaw, biting back all the rage inside of my head. I certainly have enough to go around, and if I'm not careful, my battalion chief is going to wind up on the wrong end of my wrath.

"I want to see you run through the physical test. Let's set it up for next week."

"You mean the one that the academy runs?" He can't actually be serious. Sending me back to the academy? This just keeps getting better.

"I just want to be sure that your body can handle being back in the saddle full time. I can't have someone leading men into battle if they're not prepared themselves."

He pulls out one of the bandages I've been using to wrap my knee with. Damn it. I must have left it in the desk when I was last on shift.

"Conrad over at eleven wears an ankle brace. And Trout at twenty-seven? He has to bring an inhaler to every call. You gonna pull their stripes, too?" I growl.

"They're not on probation after a questionable call that nearly got four of my men and multiple civilians killed. Wearing a brace isn't a crime, Hall, but lying to your superior officer about it is.

I rake my fingers through my hair in frustration. So now that I've proved I can run my team, he's trying to find something else to break me on. Well, I'm not going to let him. I'll set every record they've got for that test, brace or no brace, and then we'll see what Morgan has to say.

"I want you back, Hall. I really do. I just have to be sure you're ready."

Yeah, he keeps saying that, but it's getting ridiculous at this point. I've been cleared at every angle and he's the only thing standing in my way.

"I understand." I say flatly. I'm not going to get anywhere with this conversation today and I decided to do something I normally wouldn't, and I back down.

We go over a few other logistics, and then I head out. Right as I get to my truck, I get a text from Brooks reminding me about the bonfire tonight.

Fuck.

Zoe and I had plans to go, but I don't know where we stand at this point. I've already committed us to going and I don't really feel like explaining why we weren't to the guys, so I swallow my pride and send Zoe a text.

Still on for the bonfire tonight?

She answers almost immediately. I wasn't sure you still wanted me to go.

I'll pick you up at five.

She sends back a thumbs up, and I head home, hoping to get a little rest before I have to leave, but I'm not sure that will happen. The potential confrontation with Zoe has me riled up, but not in the typical dreading-it way I'd imagine. I'm almost looking forward to it. I don't like fighting with Zoe, and the sooner we can talk about this, the sooner we can move forward and put it all behind us.

At this point, all I can do is hope she feels the same way and that I haven't been enough of an idiot to ruin the good thing we had going.