Second Ave Offices: First Time for Everything (WLW)

Chapter Seventeen

"Yeah, Kanda, I'll be back in the office in a while. In the meantime, just focus on the touch ups and make sure the artists are alright with the editions you've made." Ju explained to her coworker and pulled the phone from her ear as she heard Kanda about to speak. She wasn't in a talking mood. "I'll talk to you all when I get back. Bye."

Ju hung up and sat back on her couch with a long winded sigh. Maybe I made a mistake... Ju was sure in the moment when she told Hayden they needed the time apart, but she'd be lying if she said she hadn't consumed her mind day-in/day-out. She stood up and gathered the blanket along her shoulders more tightly just as her doorbell rang, but ignored it, remaining safe within her thought-filled cocoon.

Ju hadn't ever felt this way before. True, she'd learned the pain of rejection when she finally pursued Hayden, but this was something else entirely. As she racked her mind trying to come up with a name to call this new emotion, she grunted and heard her door chime ringing again. Only this time the person wasn't stopping and the ringing was soon accompanied by a series of thuds. Pinching the bridge of her nose as she moved along, Ju walked to the door and unlocked it. However, as she slid it open, she felt a jolt run through her body and stood on full alert.

Hayden stood there, as if strummed up from her constant thoughts of her, and held her fist up on the precipice of knocking some more. As their eyes met, her face lit up and she stepped inside over the threshold, sending Ju scurrying back a few paces. Hayden didn't slow, closing the door behind herself and pressing toward her. Ju made an escape for her bedroom, slamming the door shut and slumping to the floor on the other side.

As she wrapped her blanket more fully around herself and tucked her knees into her chest, she felt Hayden tap on the other side of the door. "Ju, please open up. I'm so worried about you."

Her voice was thick with emotion, yet Ju couldn't and she dropped her head to her knees, pulling the blanket up and over her head. "Why are you here...? I... We...aren't together anymore. So you don't have to worry about--"

"You? But I do. You're scaring me, Bee." Ju covered her ears at the sound of her pet name, but that wouldn't stop the onslaught of words that left her feeling raw and exposed. "I missed you. Please, open the door."

Ju stayed silent and felt a thump that vibrated from beyond the door and was followed by another thud. Picturing what it could be, Ju took the blanket off of her head and pressed her ear to the door, hearing Hayden's breath against it. Was she on the floor too? She turned sideways and rested along the door, hanging onto every word that passed over the lips she desired to claim as her own stronger with each passing moment.

"Ju, you are all I think about. I wake up in the morning and it's you. You're just there. I'm making myself some coffee and I think, Ju would rather have tea, then I find myself checking to make sure I have your favorite available for the next time I see you. I put pencil to paper and the only face I can conjure up is yours, making it impossible for me to even work." Hayden paused and Ju heard sniffling from the other side of the door, fighting the urge to open it. She wanted to go to her and hold her closely as she said all she did, but she also feared she may stop talking if she did. So, she remained silent, biding her time and biting her tongue until she heard every serendipitous word Hayden spoke. "If ever I am reading, I think of what your thoughts might be on this particular book. I think about what you might have read in college, which leads me to think of what your college experience was like.

"I put pencil to paper and I'm suddenly racked with nothing but thoughts of you. It makes me think of the aspirations you have in your work and how much I wish to be as strong willed as you. It makes me think of how earnest you are in everything you do. Work, the care for your mother and Mark, the care for your coworkers...and me. Every little thing that I do, reminds me of you." There was a soft thump on the other side of the door and Ju deduced she was also resting her head along it. Perhaps even in the exact same spot. She put her hand on the door and gulped at the next words to leave Hayden's lips. "I want all of you. I want every inch of your beautiful body, every word you speak of whisper in my ear, every thought you share... I want it all and more. To be consumed by you, heart and soul."

Ju pulled back from the door as tears pooled in her eyes, finally taking the knob into her hand as she rose to her full height. She timidly opened the door, peeking just past the small crack. Hayden lost her balance a bit as she opened the door a bit more, but quickly got to her feet as well. She fisted her hands at her sides and again looked right into Ju's eyes, keeping her gaze in nail biting silence.

"Consumed...huh?" Ju opened the door the rest of the way and gave Hayden a sidelong glance. She looked like hell. Hayden's hair was a mess, poking out every which way, and her clothes, which always matched and pristine, were even worse. It appeared she'd missed several buttons and two of those that were clasped were in the wrong holes. One of her sleeves was rolled up and the other was hanging loose. As if that wasn't enough, she had mismatched shoes on her feet like she had gotten ready in a rush and was none the wiser by her incessant stare. "I...was just feeling the same way."

Hayden rushed her, engulfing her in a tight hug and cradling the back of her neck. Her blanket fell to the floor as she was ushered back toward the bed, but instead of the heated kisses she was expecting, Hayden sat her down. She knelt at her feet and wrapped her arms around her legs, resting her head there. She took a long breath and Ju finally noticed the tears in her eyes that had begun forming a wet stain along her pajama pants.

She didn't mind. Not if it meant Hayden was this close to her after what felt like years apart, yet remained only a few days. She couldn't remember a time when life had ever gone by so lethargically, but now it was as if it was finally catching up to its original pace the longer Hayden laid her head along her lap. Ju ran her fingers through her disheveled hair, feeling the vibrations of her hums along her knees and shins.

Eventually, Hayden glanced up at her through her tears and gulped with strain, resting her chin along her knees as she spoke. "What...does this mean for...us?"

The meekness in her gaze caught Ju off guard and she cupped her cheek. "What do you want it to mean, Hayden? Remember, this break was for you. So you could tell me what you want. So..." She traced her charming jawline, feeling her quake with each of her feathered caresses. "What is it you want, Hayden?"

"To know you. To be yours and yours alone. And to be with you as much as I possibly can, 'cause I can't take being apart any longer." She buried her face into Ju's lap and let out a shaky sigh. "I want all of you and for you to have all of me. I don't know if I can ever give myself over to you physically, not completely that is, but I do know that I want everything you have to offer. I want you, Ju."

"You know I would never pressure you into--"

Hayden cut her off, raising her head and pressing a finger to her lips. "The physical. I know, but what if the day where I can do so never comes? I never want to disappoint you like this again."

Ju took her hand and kissed her finger, then pulled her toward the bed. "What disappointed me was you not letting me in. Not completely, that is." Hayden sat down next to her, keeping hold of her hand and taking it into her lap. She massaged it between her hands and blinked as her tears began to dry. With hope in her heart for the first time in days, Ju reached up with her free hand and brushed the backs of her knuckles along her cheek. "Even if you can never be on the receiving end, that doesn't mean I would leave you. I would never abandon you over something like that nor would I want it if it wasn't what you desired.

"What I want is to also be consumed by you. Just as passionately and deeply. I want to give all of myself to you and let you know so many things rambling on in my head, but only if you're willing to do the same. Do you think you might want that?"

"There's no might about it, Ju. When I say I want to give you all of myself, I mean it. As deeply as I possibly can."

Ju realized they'd grown so close together that she could feel Hayden's breath along her lips. "That's what I wanted." She cupped her cheek, rested her forehead along hers. "I just want you."

As if taking on new life, Hayden kissed her full of passion and laid her down along the bed, cradling the back of her neck in her hand. She straddled her hips and kissed her way up her neck, taking her earlobe into her ear once she arrived there. She scissored it between her teeth, then let go, leaving tender kisses along her path toward her mouth. There she hovered over her lips and gazed deeply into her eyes.

"Say it again..."

"I just want you."