Spiderson One-shots Whump

Sound of Silence

A/N
I am gonna regret reposting this probably in the morning but it's 4 AM and I'm sleep deprived so I don't really give a shit atm.
It's not an actual chapter but a vent wrapped up in a story.
I had originally posted this on July 1st but then took it down bc I was embarrassed (tbf I still am, because I fucked up this book with my A/N's when that was not my intention)
Honestly I don't really know the sole purpose of putting it back up. An explanation of where I've been, to say that I don't know when/if I'll be back, a cry for help maybe, or to let everyone going through the same thing know that you're not alone.

(If you don't like mental health stuff, feel free to skip this chapter)

Peter was no stranger to being alone honestly.

He didn't have many friends growing up, it was on and off friendships with different kids that mostly just ended with them going on with their lives like most child friendships do.
Luckily he met Ned one Spring afternoon and he was by his side ever since.

And like a lot of kids, Peter was bullied.

Peter didn't care that he didn't have a lot of people to talk to about this. He had learnt to mask his feelings and grievances well enough to the point where he just felt blissfully numb for most of his days, sometimes he'd cry and sometimes he'd laugh but the comfort of the Nothing would always be there when he'd need it.

When Peter got older, the bullying got worse for a while and it messed with his brain, but after switching classes, most of it died down, allowing Peter to continue living behind his mask.

Then the Real Mask came and things got even better. He was more confident, he didn't care about what others thought as much and his friendgroup got slightly bigger when MJ joined.

Things weren't bad: they all graduated, they started going to different schools (which was a bummer, but they kept talking every day which kinda made up for it) and after dropping out of a wrong choice in college, Peter took a gap year to just work and try and figure out what he wanted to do.
Mr. Stark had offered him the entire company when he'd be old enough of course, but Peter just wanted to see what life could bring him.

Heck, he was 19 now.
The entire world was ahead of him and he had so many paths to choose.
Everything was going really well.

Aside for the fact that Peter was feeling fucking miserable.

He was in pain all the time and at this point he didn't know how to deal with it anymore. He reached out to his friends a lot but since they were often busy with school, the messages were often ignored or overlooked when someone introduced another topic. He couldn't really blame them, but it still kinda stung.

The more time passed, the more Peter felt like he was being listened to less and less.
He was alone more often now, since he didn't see his friends every day at school.

And since work was much shorter than a school day, Peter was now mostly home.
And that free time gave him too much time to think.
To remember.

Remember how he got bullied and that he wasn't mature for his age like people said just because he ignored the bullies. They didn't know that he believed everything the other kids said about him. Leaving him second guessing every movement, every part of his body, every thing he said, the way he laughed, the way his voice sounded. They didn't know that he started disappearing into his self made dream worlds as soon as he was capable of thinking, for hours on end.

They didn't know that he felt like he shouldn't exist by the time he was around 7, that he started figuring out how to make the thoughts stop for a few minutes by the time he was 14, that he didn't feel like he should eat at all or keep it down. They didn't know what had happened to him or what he was hiding from them. Both emotionally and physically.