admire - jiara love story - obx fanfic

17. my home

jj pov:

it's been a few days since the funeral and i still haven't spoke to kie. sarah said she was coming over to the chateau today though so i was gonna try talk to her.
i'm worried, about what's gonna happen or what she's gonna say, but i need to know why she's been avoiding me incase i did something wrong. the last thing i want is to lose kie. i can't.

it's been a few hours and kie seems okay, but she's still avoiding me.
"hey can we talk?" i say to her quietly. she hesitates for a moment before nodding and walking down the dock.
"what's going on? are you okay?" i say. she looks down. "kie?" i say. "i need to talk to you" she says. oh god. "okay.." i say. "jj..." she starts. i already know where this is going. "i love you. so much, and that's why i'm doing this. i need you to know that i'm doing this for you, you'll realise soon that you're better without me, and this is what's best" she says. "kiara please don't" i say. she stays looking down. "i think we should break up" she says. i feel an ache in my heart as what i feared the most is happening. "no" i say. "jj..." she says. "no please kie" i say. "you're better off without me. i'm just an annoying kook who's like, cursed. everyone around me, everyone i care about, everyone i love gets hurt. and i don't want you to get hurt, not again" she says. "kie that wasn't your fault.." i say. "and, soon enough you're gonna realise that i'm just annoying and ugly and that you can do way better. i mean, jj half of the town wants you..." she says. "i don't care, you're the only one i want kie.." i say as a tear hits my cheek. "i'm just a fuck up jj. i may have a wealthy family and a big house and shit and be living a good life but i'm really not. i'm actually falling apart and i'm gonna drag you down with me so i need you to realise this is what's best" she says, finally looking up. "kie, please... i, i can help you" i say. she shakes her head. "you'll try and then realise i'm past saveable and you'll leave like everyone else" she cries. "kiara i will never leave you ever, i'll fight for you i'll do anything for you" i say. she looks down again. "kie please, i can't do this without you, i can't live without you" i say. "it's what's best for you jj. you'll realise" she says. "i don't care what you think is best for me, because i know you are, you are best for me kie" i say. she shakes her head again. "please don't give up. don't give up on me. don't give up on us..." i cry. "i'm sorry" she says. "no kiara please!" i say. "jj it's what's best for you! please don't make this harder than it already is!" she cries, raising her voice a little. "then fight! fight for us!" i cry. "there's no point in fighting a losing battle jj. i'm unsaveable and if i stay with you i'm gonna drag you right down with me and you don't deserve that you deserve so much better than me" she cries. "no, i don't, if anything you deserve better than me kie" i say, stepping closer to her. she shakes her head again. "you deserve someone who can love you properly and i can't right now" she cries. "kiara" i say, stepping closer again. "jj i'm falling apart, i'm in a bad place and i'm at like, my lowest right now and for the thousandth time i will not take you with me i won't" she says. "i would rather be at my lowest with you than be at my best without you" i say. she shakes her head. "no". "yes kie, because i love you" i say. she looks up as more tears fall. "i love you too but, it's not gonna work jj" she says. "it's for the best. i'm sorry" she says, walking round me and back up the dock.
i lean over the barrier and wrap my head in my arms. i just lost kiara. i just want her to let me in. she's got this big barrier up around her, shielding her emotions and i just want her to let it down so i can help her. i want to be there for her. to comfort her. to hug her when she cries and listen when she talks. but she won't let me, she won't let me do anything. she thinks she's doing it for me, to benefit me and to help me but she's not. she doesn't understand that she's all i want. to help her and be there for her, and love her is all i want. she doesn't get how much i love her. her curly hair, and her perfect eyes. and her whole appearance and body is just perfect. and her personality, her humour, her laugh, her smile. how she likes the same things as me and she really goes for what she wants, and fights for her beliefs. her lips, and now soft and warm they feel against mine, and her touch. the way she touches me with such gentleness and love. the way her eyes sparkle shem she looks at me. i could stare at her all day and not get bored. i could listen and talk to her all day and not get bored. she's my everything. my comfort person, my home.

(956 words)
ik it's a shorter chapter but this hurt to write.