Jacky
"So, how did he take the news of you telling him that you couldn't have sex with him anymore?" Karen asked, after I finished telling her about Jay and I's relationship.
"He was actually very understanding. He offered to move out so that he wouldn't temp me. I also caught him praying in his room and asking God if I was his wife or not." I said.
"Oh my God... that's so sweet. He must really be into you, Jac. That boy is smitten he's already ready to put a ring on it. You have him hooked."
I smiled but that smile slowly faded as I thought about him.
"What's wrong Jacky?" Dorinda asked.
"I can't lie... and I won't. I miss him already."
"That's understandable. How long had you two been intimate before it got cut off?" Karen asked.
"A month and a few weeks." I said.
Karen and Dorinda both looked at each other before looking back at me.
"Yeah, there's an attachment there. What are you going to do?" Karen asked.
"I honestly don't know. I know more than anything that I need to pray. I need to pray, because the way that I'm feeling I'm wanting to call him up and just let him give it to me any and every way that he can."
"Good Lord, you're like a dog in heat. Alright, this is what we're going to do.... let's us pray with you sister. You have more strength than you know. I know that it's hard, but you got this, understand?" Karen asked.
I nodded my head yes. We all held hands as we got in a circle and Dorinda decided to lead the prayer.
"Father God, we come to you on behalf of our big sister Jacky. You see the situation she's in and you see what kind of temptation that she's facing. Lord, your word says that there hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. So, Lord we ask that you would strengthen her in the areas that she is weak and we ask that you would give her the power to sustain from sexual sin so that she may use this as her testimony to let others know that if you did it for her that you will do it for others, in Jesus name, Amen."
Once Dorinda finished praying I felt the need to go to the bathroom. So, I broke the circle.
"Wait, Jacky I want to pray for you too." Karen said.
"Hold that prayer. I'll be right back." I said, running to the bathroom.
Making my way to the bathroom, I closed the door behind me before pulling my skirt up, panties down, and sitting on the toilet. I began peeing as I exhaled thanking God that I made it to the bathroom in time. As I was peeing I felt some slight cramps so I figured my cycle was coming on. Once I wiped I saw some blood which confirmed my thoughts. I grabbed one of Karen's pads out of her drawer and put it on before getting up and flushing the toilet. I washed my hands before going back out where Dorinda and Karen were.
"Are you okay? You were in there a minute." Karen asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm going to head home though." I said, grabbing my purse.
Karen looked at me sad.
"But I thought that you were going to let me pray for you?" Karen asked.
"You can do it over the phone, but I've got to get home."
"Okay?" And are you sure that you're okay?" Karen asked, seeing how I was trying to rush out of the house.
I hugged both her then Dorinda as I assured her that I would be fine.
"Just call me and we can go from there. I love you both." I said before leaving out of her house.
Dorinda and Karen watched me as I walked to my car. Getting in, I drove home quickly. I went upstairs to my bedroom and grabbed a piece of paper. I wrote something on it before leaving my house again. I went to my local CVS and gave the pharmacist the piece of paper. I knew that it would take a moment for them to fill it so I went out to my car and placed my head on my steering wheel. Not even a moment later my phone rang. Picking it up, I saw that it was Jay.
"Hi, baby."
"Wassum, ma. What you doing?" Jay asked.
"Sitting in my car. I miss you...." I admitted.
"I miss you too. This hard..."
"What's that?" I asked.
"Being away from you. I miss holding you in my arms, feeling you on top of me, and just being next to you." Jay said.
I bit my lip as tears came to my eyes. I sniffled before speaking.
"I know, I miss being in yours arms too, but I need you to keep being patient for me. We'll be together soon."
"Have you heard from God yet?" Jay asked.
"Not yet. Have you?" I asked.
"Nah, ma. Not yet."
"Keep praying. He'll answer us soon. We just have to keep waiting and keep praying. He'll answer us in his timing." I said, wiping tears from my eyes.
I heard him say something which made me stop and ask him to repeat himself.
"What you'd say?" I asked.
"I said I love you shorty." Jay admitted. I was quiet for a moment before answering him back.
"I love you too." We said our goodbyes before hanging up.
Ending the call, I went back into CVS and grabbed my bag from the pharmacist. Getting back in my car, I headed home. Once I got there I went in my bedroom and sat on the edge of my bed as I grabbed a bottle of water and opened my bottle of methotrexate. Tears came to my eyes as I closed my eyes and swallowed the pills with the water.
I couldn't believe that I was sitting here going through this. I'd told my sister that I needed to leave because my period was on, but the truth of the matter was that I was sitting here going through a ectopic pregnancy. I knew the signs. I caught it early so I wouldn't need surgery. I'm a nurse it's what I do, but that didn't mean that I was numb to the pain. I was heartbroken and feeling broken this was by far my lowest point.
I began sobbing as my phone rang. Seeing that it was Karen, I answered the phone. She heard me crying. She didn't say anything she just started praying.
"Father God, in the name of Jesus Lord I ask that you would come to my big sister's aide right now. Father, I ask that you would comfort her heart even in this moment and bring her peace. I don't know what she's going through, but you see and you know exactly what she's dealing with. God, I ask that you would wrap your loving arms around her and show her just how much you love her. Please, bring her peace in the midst of her storm and help her get through this trial, in Jesus name, Amen." Karen sniffled.
I placed my hand over my face as I sobbed. Karen spoke as she sniffled again letting me know that she was crying too.
"Jacky, I love you so much. Please, know that if you need me I'm right here any time, any day, any hour. Please, call me and don't hesitate. I'm here for you." Karen said before hanging up.
I appreciated the love that my sister had for me, but I knew that this was a battle that I would have to get through with only me and Jesus alone.
God, please come see about me.
