Angela Curtis

School-15

(!!!!TW- TOXIC THOUGHTS, BARELY EATING)


[INCASE YOU FORGOT ANGELA IS IN THE 2ND SEMESTER OF 8TH GRADE]

As I walk into school I feel...unready, like I don't know what I'm doing or as if I'm an outsider. I just told Darry a few nights ago what's been happening and I keep feeling like such a burden. I know I shouldn't but the thoughts just keep dancing around my head. I get to my locker and get my things for my next two classes, history and English. As I sit in my seat it feels like everyone's eyes are on me. I know they aren't but I can't help feeling like they are.

I feel my breathing start to speed up. Not allowing myself to be stressed out, atleast not right now in history class, I start pinching my knee where my jeans are ripped from me falling a while ago. Desperate for my breathing to stop being so rapid sooner I start pinching my knee harder. I get broken out of my thought by my best friend sitting next to me and starting to rant about how much she hates the teacher of this class because of the way he looks at girls inappropriately.

"He's just so annoying like can he stop looking at all the girl's butts?" She ranted. I nod letting her continue. "Like if you're gonna look then look at the boy's butts too. Or don't look at the students in general!!" She continues. As my breathing slows I can't seem to stop pinching my knee even thought it's starting to hurt. "Anyways, how're you An?" She asks.

"I'm as good as you can be on a Monday morning." I say adding a slight fake laugh at the end. She nods as the teacher walks in and starts his lesson. I don't really remember much of what he talked about other than how Texas became a state and a bunch of wars. I tried to pay attention but I just kept getting lost in my thoughts. The teacher, Mr. Scott, stopped talking and told us to answer all the questions on 3 pages. When I finished I started getting lost in thought again.

I thought about the conversation I had with my best friend before class started. 'Did I talk too much?', 'I feel like she was starting to get annoyed.', 'Maybe I shouldn't talk too much today I feel like she wants a break.', etc. I knew that she didn't hate me. More like I was hoping so much that I tricked my brain into thinking that she didn't. But I can't help thinking these thoughts. After that conversation with Darry I've felt like I've just said too much, like everyone knows. I think people are starting to notice the change in me but I'll just tell myself that they haven't noticed.

When the bell rang I went to English. I took my seat next to my boyfriend. We didn't have time to talk because as soon as I sat down the teacher started teaching her class. I kept getting lost in my thoughts in this class too, I just think it's a lost in thought day for me today. I like these days because I can escape from some of my problems but I also hate them because I'm also drowning in my problems. In the middle of me thinking I feel someone grabbing my hand. I look at our hands and my eyes go up to my boyfriend, Finn, he's looking back at me with a worried look but I just smile letting him know that I'm ok and not to worry. 

Finn held my hand for the rest of class. My negative thoughts started turning into good ones because of that. After English I had to go to music. Nothing really happened in there. It was a free day so we read. After music I had to go to lunch where I met my Finn, my best friend- Charlotte, and her boyfriend- Michael. We talk for a bit, well I listen while the other 3 talk, and then we got food and sat back down and started talking and eating. I had 1 small bite of food. I could feel Finn looking at me but I didn't look back at him not wanting it to be called out.

We talked a bit more and then we had to go to our other 3 classes and then the bell rang to go home. I got my things out of my locker and then met my friend group by their lockers since they're close together. As Charlotte and Michael are talking Finny pulls me slightly aside and holds my hands.

"What's wrong? You've been acting different and you've been barely eating at lunch. You know you can tell me anything right? Have I done something? Is it Charlotte or Michael?" He asks. I know he's worried, I can sense it in every word.

"Nothing's wrong I've just been thinking a lot today. There's a first for everything." I say and giggle. He looks at me now concerned, not worried. "And I had a lot for breakfast today. You didn't do anything you never have and you never will. Charlotte and Michael haven't done anything either. Don't stress about it please." I say finally. Is half of that a lie? Yes. Do I feel terrible for lying to him? Yes. I want to tell him so bad but I just can't. I don't want him to think of me any differently.

"If you say so darling." He says in an unsure way. Then he kisses me on the forehead. I blush slightly and try to cover my face. This sweet moment is short lived when we hear this horrible voice coming towards us. 

"HEY!!!! NO PDA IN THESE HALLS!! Dumb kids." Mr. Frederick yells. Me and Finn roll our eyes and walk out of the school. We say our goodbyes and he walks home and I stay and wait for Ponyboy and Johnny. 

Words: 1,059

[A/N- Sorry for not updating for a month I've been busy with working on my schools musical. I'll try to update more but next month is the showtime but I'll try to on weekends or when I'm not busy. Also this is a filler-ish chapter but also for information. AnywaysI hope that you all stay hydrated and have enough to eat everyday!!!!]