Possibenley's

Journal

This piece was created to give a moment of breath. We don't often get to see Miranda unravel but she definitely almost did, so I wanted to play with that a little. Enjoy.

Miranda had always been poetic. But tonight, it seemed like the words flowed out of her like a river.

Call it the trauma release of her day, but the words spilled out of her and onto the paper with their own mind. It was as if they had taken over her body, and she just needed to get it down.

The paper oozed with feelings. Thoughts of how her anxieties had peaked throughout the day. Relaxation on all of the possibilities that ran threw her mind.

She could clearly see through her eyes that she wasn't okay, but why couldn't she feel it? She had to numb herself to handle it and stay all together.

With every swipe and dip of her pen, those feelings took a name and came to life. She had to pause to take a breath and sit her journal down. This journal held all of her most inner thoughts. All of her internal battles. If she couldn't speak it, she would write it.

It was her own personal oasis of freedom and no judgment. It's where her feelings went to live when they were too big for her body. As a child, she had a tree, but as an adult, she had to find other avenues. Therapy helped her find Journaling.

Yes, she could talk to others, her husband, her family, and her mentors, but the thought of burdening them pledged her mind. So she saved her raw emotions for her journal. Broken down and battered, she could sit with her journal and never find judgment.
It was her one safe place outside of the OR and her husband.

She needed it. She deserved it. Everything wasn't meant to be shared. But tonight, tonight even her journal couldn't hold the magnitude of what she was carrying.

Her feelings had finally consumed her as she continued to glide her pen across each page gracefully, and she let out a wail like no other. Thankful that she was in her space, her sanitary, her treehouse, She let the tears fall. Had she been the one to blame? She was the one to open the clinic, to bring people in. It was her, who-

Like always, her husband, Ben, was watching. Near enough to hear her siren. Near enough to know she needed more. He was watching. He was always watching, waiting there to catch her, her feelings, and capture her insecurities. It was never too much for him. He loved her to all ends and would always be there for her.

He swiftly made his way outside, careful not to invade her space, her grief of the day. He knocked before climbing the ladder. Upon his entrance, he could see the pain. It was radiating off of her. He could always tell because she was a piece of him. Literally forged by God from his rib. They were made for each other, and anyone with eyes could see it.

The tears that fell seemed to create a river with a rip current pulling him to her. He scooped her into his arms as if second nature because it was. He would always be there. He would be whatever sounding board she needed. He would provide her with peace. He would be her safest place. The one place that she knew she could trust. They may have their bumps in the road, but they would always be home to each other. They would always have a home in one another.

Holding her tight, he slowly caressed her head as she came undone at the seams. It wasn't often that it happened, but he would always put her back together, as would she for him. And they had done it time and time again because life always seemed to hit them with curveballs. But together, they would brace it all and come out stronger.

As her tears turned into silent whimpers, he didn't let her go; he simply placed a kiss on her forehead and held her tighter. He knew she would need to build herself back up to get up and do it all again tomorrow. There would be no rush. Ben found his own worry peaking, but now was not the time for his feelings. He needed to be present for Miranda, and after many years together, he understood that.

Ben only had a glimpse into the fear that Miranda carried daily regarding him, but today, he realized that he, too, now carried that same fear for her as she was taking on this new Goliath of a mission. It would take some adjusting, but he would have to learn to cope and be there for her in these moments just as she had for him.

A tear prickled in Ben's eye, and he let the one single fear bound drop roll. He silently had his moment as he stayed present for her. He would have his moment later. Right now, it was about Miranda.

Together the two sat, allowing Miranda to recollect herself. To try and make sense or logic of the day's events. Even though that was the problem, there was no sense or logic to be found. And that in itself was the most significant burden to carry. This was a territory unfamiliar and uncharted for both of them. That unknown monster brought over a wave of mixed emotions for the both of them, some shared and others slightly selfish.

After the loud silence of the dizzying emotions that thickened in the air, the two rose, engulfing each other in a hug that they both needed. A sharp, deep breath escaped Miranda, and Ben pulled her exhale in to have his own. They shared a moment of eye contact explaining what words could never and then a needed kiss to steal the sentiment.

The two descended from the safe place in the sky together, stronger than before, with more will to fight through it all. Before stepping into the house, the two shared a deep breath allowing them to transform back into the parent roles they took in the home. Now ready to put on brave faces for their children. Now able to be what their children needed. But the most important thing was making sure that they themselves were ready to brace for the storm that was brewing.

You have to see about you before you see about me.