Table for 6

Part 6

I whipped my head around so fast that it felt like my neck could've snapped!

"Excuse me?" I asked as polite as I could, attempting to hide the sudden shock that overcame me.

She replied in an almost amused tone at my reaction."I think you heard me."

"I... How...But when...." I stammered, trying to find the right thing to say or ask. There were a million questions that I needed Aisha to answer. But I just went with... "How did you find out?"

"Quite simply, really. After you would've witnessed the basketball scene, I went into the change room. Kathy had just finished showering because she was putting her shirt on over her wet hair." She paused and waited to see if I would say something.

"Alright and then...?" I responded quickly. I had to hear this story.

"Well, naturally, I glanced at her and went to say hi, but then I saw the scars on her arms. So I decided to stay hidden from her until she left. They were obvious cut-scars because they were long, and skinny down her arms. I don't think she saw me though."

"Okay thank goodness she didn't see you! She would've been crushed if anyone else found out. Don't forget that I'm keeping your secret. So I hope you better keep Kathy's."

"No problemo." She chuckled.

Then an interesting question slipped out of my mouth, "Hey Aisha, Didn't you used to talk fast, like, really fast? But you don't anymore, why is that?"

"Well," she hesitated. "Every time I would talk fast, my dad would get so irritated. He would slap me, or punch me for it, so I started talking slower. I thought maybe it would take away some of the violence."

"Oh, Aisha. I'm sorry, you didn't need to..."

"It's okay. Really it's fine." She cut me off before I could finish.

"I'll see you after recess is over." I said.

I walked back to my classroom, and asked Mme. if I could stay in for the rest of the recess. We had quite a few projects to finish. Although I was a straight A student, and ahead of most of the other kids, I still wanted time to work on them. I never had time at home.

She gave me a funny look, and told me, "Catarina, you have nothing to worry about! Especially with your marks." But after I begged for awhile, she reluctantly agreed to let me stay in.

I sat down at my desk and started on my tessilations. I needed to get this done, because I hated being behind. I hated not getting something right. I feel like I am letting people (including myself) down. That's a terrible feeling.

I guess you could say that I'm kind of a control freak. I'm not a brat or anything, but I love things to go exactly how I plan them. I like to lead people, not follow. Which is why I want to lead all my troubled friends, Kataniss, Kathy, and Aisha, to a better path. However, it won't be as easy as I'd prefer. I'm starting to get frustrated. I feel like I'm going to blow a fuse soon, or maybe even explode.

I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. The same feelings are coming back to me. I can see the memory of the casket. The flowers. The screams, and cries. The feeling of frustration and being helpless.

How does a stupid math/art project bring me to such sadness? I had no idea, but it did. Ever since he died, I haven't known what to do. And now these tears are getting to me. Some I share with the three girls who told me their most troubling secrets. I can't understand how I let it come to this. After he died, I haven't felt the same. Why did I let it ruin my life? Why did I let depression kill me, from the inside and out?