Table for 6

Part 7

He was driving like any other night, while I was in the seat beside him. We were listening to old songs on the radio. Occasionally belting out the ones we both knew. Not even caring about screwing up the lyrics.

It was so hilarious listening to each other sing at the top of our lungs. We had so much fun when we were together. But I got a strange feeling. Something didn't seem right.

A moment later, Alone by Heart came on. I had no way of knowing how 'Alone' I would end up being... After one ordinary night.

We were just joking around when out of nowhere, two bright lights flashed up ahead of us. Since we were coming over a hill, we only saw them flicker in the dark black night sky. The piercingly bright lights seemed to be moving closer at a rapid pace. Way faster than a normal car.

"Woah, that guy has to be going over the limit." I commented as I started realizing how fast that other car was going. It looked like light speed.

"You know I love you, right Catarina?" Jason asked. I was confused and surprised at the sudden question. But I replied none the less because of his panicked expression.

"Of course I do Jason! I love you too." I replied honestly. He had caught me off guard with this easily answered question. Truthfully, Jason was like a best friend to me. And I was confident that he felt the same way about me.

I really had no idea why he had asked me that. Jason and I were always really close. He already knew that I know he loves me. I was puzzled on why he suddenly needed to be assured. I was about to ask him, and sure enough, my answer came within seconds. Only, not from Jason.

I hadn't a clue on the exact speed the driver was going. Probably the shocking minimum of 150 kilometers per hour. At least that's what it felt like... Jason had wanted me to know he loves me, because he wasn't sure. He doubted that we could make it out of the current situation alive. And honestly, so did I.

I needed to close my eyes because of the blinding headlights that came shooting towards us. I didn't even notice that the person driving the other car was on the wrong side of the road. That is until they were coming at us head on. This stupid, careless idiot was on our side of the road! I couldn't believe what was happening.

I heard Jason curse under his breath and swerve the car. I was jerked to the side when he tried to avoid the speeding car. I looked up and saw that the other car had tried to transfer back into their own lane. It was already too late.

After Jason swerved our car, his head had snapped to the side, shattering the window of the car door. It left him knocked unconscious, and I was jumping around the idea that he could be dead. But I knew he was likely to be. I tried my hardest to push that thought away.

What happened next, happened within two seconds. Though it felt as if minutes had gone by in a blur.

With no other hope, I reached over to grab the steering wheel. I yanked it back my way, causing the car to swerve back to the right. Then I used my knew found ounce of courage to reach my leg out and slam on the brakes. But that only made things worse.

The other car smashed back into the side of my unconscious Jason's small Mitsubishi Lancer. I screamed, I was terrified. I started crying the moment I saw Jason being helplessly thrown around in his seat of the car. Then, everything seemed to just stop.

I got out of my car as quickly as possible, and tried to dial 911. I had tears streaming down my face and I held onto my phone tightly as I was shaking. I was about to punch in the number when a notification came up on the screen. It told me I had no cell service.

All I could do now was sit on the side of the road. I sat up against a road sign with my legs crossed, and I prayed. I didn't know what to say to God, so I asked him if he could help me. To keep me safe through this extremely tough time in my life.

Almost immediately, a police cruiser came roaring up the hill after I had unbowed my head, finishing my prayer. I jumped to my feet, when the cop got out of the car. He was looking at the damage and then spoke to the driver in the other car. I could now clearly see that it was a young girl.

After about 2 minutes, she was escorted into the police car for having a blood alcohol rate of 1.6. I suddenly felt a little guilty for being so angry at her earlier. She was after all drunk and quite young. We were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. But not all the hatred towards her went away. Although I was still mad that she was drunk, and driving in a car. Jason was still unconscious because of her.

Then, the officer finally came over to me. He tried to calm me down, "Please try not to worry Miss. Your family will be contacted shortly."

All I could manage to tell the officer was that Jason and I needed help.

"You'll be fine. The ambulance will be here for him soon. They'll try to help." That was all I could hear him say before I was lost in my thoughts about my poor old Jason.

I loved Jason, and I didn't know if I could go on without him. He was loaded onto a stretcher, after the ambulance arrived. I sat in the back with him, holding his cold, lifeless hand. I bent down and kissed his forehead, "I'm so sorry about all of this Jason. I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to upset you." I whispered into his ear.

I hoped he could forgive me, and I hoped with all my heart that I would be able to see him again, someday.

Before he was officially pronounced dead, I had said my goodbyes. I couldn't let Jason go without me saying some final words to him.

I told him I loved him, even though I knew he had already clued into that. I wished him happiness in heaven. It broke my heart to leave, but I left him in peace, so he could go happily and carefree. I just hoped that he knew that he was the best brother I could have ever asked for.

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After his death, things got really hard. I couldn't even talk about what happened that night without -oh heck, I couldn't even say his name without breaking down. I wasn't taking things as well as I appeared to be. I didn't let people know I was taking his death so hard. I couldn't.

If I had to hide the grief, then I couldn't do anything to hurt myself physically. People would notice. I wanted to be seen as tough girl. However, sometimes I desperately wanted to. The depression was so painful. I acted normal and contented during the daytimes, I always said I was fine. Lies.

Instead, all the built up pain and loneliness would come crashing out of me at night. I would just silently cry myself to sleep. Sometimes I actually would think about hurting myself, although I'd never do it.

When it came time for his funeral, I tried to stay strong. I could hear my mother's sad screams, and I could see Dad trying to comfort her. But even he had tears running down his cheeks, while I didn't cry at all.

I'd left the crying for my pillow, I didn't want anyone to see my tears and think I was a wimp. Or to look at my tears and think I was weak. But each day I started feeling worse and worse about myself. Insecurity overtook some of the depression.

I would pretend to be happy and love my life. But to be truthful, I started hating sports and school. Now they just frustrated me. My appearance made me shudder. I wanted to fit in.

People could get me annoyed so much faster these days. I guess you could say, I was mad at the world.

I even started to hate getting out of bed, because I dreaded the day ahead. I always felt so awful about everything and everyone.

Now I felt even more determined to help Kathy, Kataniss, and Aisha. I didn't want anyone to feel what I felt, and are still going through. I will do everything I can to stick to the words I said to each one of them. Maybe even more to come.

Sometimes I wish I wouldn't have to fake how I feel anymore. It has only been one year since the accident, so I'm still feeling awful about it. And if I continue to, I wonder if anyone will still care about me, or even like me? I'm hiding my emotions from everyone. But I have some of my personality left, I hope it's enough to get by.