I laugh and I cry and I'm haunted by the things I never meant nor wanted to say. I don't recognize my reflection, weeks and months have passed and have left me dead I look at the corpse of who I used to be and I don't see any of her in what I have become.
I am so good at wrecking the people who love me
I am shaking fists and trembling teeth. you know, I did not mean to be cruel. the people I strive the most to please do me the worst injuries.
finally in a low whisper I said : "I think I might be a terrible person"
then I realized everyone might think they are terrible people. but we only reveal this before asking someone to love us. it is a kind of undressing.
in the end they always tell me I was "too much"
I drown the people I care about. I over nurture them, over love them, over think them, push them away or bring them closer. I'm sorry I love until it hurts I don't know any other way. how can I teach myself some way of being human that won't destroy me ?
I make noodles, I pretend I'm in love with the idea of being alone. I make a point not to stare at the knives sitting on the counter top by the stove.
if I am intolerable who will be the one to tolerate me ?
people always love me by accident. they don't want to care about me but they still do. but if they could they wouldn't know my favourite song if they could they'd forget my existence and they wouldn't love me and they wouldn't care about me. no one do that on purpose when it comes to me.
I hope you never have to think about anything as much as I think about you.
if I sit in the rain maybe I could drown in something other than my own thoughts.
