somber and deep as the ocean he keeps inside of him. he looks like a nostalgic melody, a disharmonious song, disturbing at first but so unique and comforting.
I could look at his eyes, at him, for hours without feeling bored. something about him intrigues me more than I'd like to believe. I wanna touch his skin but most of all I wanna feel his soul, I want to feel his heart resonate with mine.
everyone seems to know he keeps an unexplored ocean inside of him but no one know I've swim in it. I'd like to drown myself in his abyss but he won't let me. he hates me too much to let himself be vulnerable in front of me.
on the first day, everyone in the room saw him. how could we not ? his beauty is so mezmerizing. maybe it's just me. but did anyone really look at him ? I think I did. and I keep looking at him everyday with that hurtful desire to know all of him.
maybe I am insane. maybe we are. he hates me and I can't help but falling in love with him deeper and deeper everyday. I am craving him, my soul and heart are aching for his touch.
could the enmity between us be considered has undercover love ? maybe am I too blind to see that he is somehow attracted to me, even a little bit ? no, no, he never looked at me and he probably never will. I am meant to keep loving him from afar and he will never know how much I do. am I really that impossible to love ? what is so hideous about me ? is it my body ? or is it my brain ? my soul ? everything about me is ugly, no wonder why he looks at me with so much revulsion in his eyes.
I have to stop looking at him. I have to stop talking about him. I have to hate him like he hates me even though I could never hate such an immaculate soul. I don't want to hurt him but why do I let him indirectly hurt me ? he is not even conscious of that pain he causes me. do I deserve this ? is it the universe's revenge ?
I feel even emptier than usual when he is not around. I don't know what I miss about him, he doesn't talk to me or look at me.
but I do miss him.
oh god how I miss him.
