Kalon

Chapter 53

When she leaves a few hours later it’s with a lot less weight on her shoulders. She hugs her mom and Chaeyoung, promises to come back for Thanksgiving, and gives Hyunsik a curt nod before she turns to leave.

She’s already walking away from the house when she hears her name being called. She turns around and sees Hyunsik stepping out, closing the door behind him.

“What is it?” Y/n asks, checking if she has her wallet and phone because she figures she forgot something and Hyunsik is bringing it to her.

“Do you have a moment?” Hyunsik asks, his expression guarded and arms crossed over his chest. He always looks like that; like he expects the person opposite of him to attack him or something.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that he used to be a police officer years ago.

“Uhm.” Y/n furrows her eyebrows, shrugging her shoulders uneasily. “I guess.”

Hyunsik gestures her to sit down on the steps in front of the door so Y/n does, leaving as much space between them as possible.

This almost feels worse than her first therapy session with Dr. Kang. She can’t even remember ever sitting down with Hyunsik to talk. All she ever did was scold Y/n or just inform her about things that were going on with her mom.

“This isn’t very easy for me.” Hyunsik clears his throat, his eyes focused on something in front of him. “I understand if you don’t want to talk to me, or listen to what I have to say. But this won’t take long so if you could just spare me a moment…”

Y/n slips her hands into the pockets of her coat, curling into herself a little. She may be twenty-two years old, but she suddenly feels like a ten year old sitting next to Hyunsik like this. “Okay.” She mumbles, staring holes into the ground between her sneakers, willing her heart to calm down. She has no idea why she’s so scared; she just is.

“This is going to make me sound like a hypocrite after all those years. I… definitely should’ve done this sooner.” Hyunsik clears his throat again, his hands folded together in his lap. “I’m not very good at these things. Not like your mother.”

Y/n smiles, swallowing around the lump in her throat.

Hyunsik exhales heavily and he hangs his head, closing his eyes. “When I met your mother, she was juggling work and school and she was so adamant on rejecting me whenever I asked her out. I fell in love with her so fast and so hard that I thought I could deal with the fact that she already had a child. We had this plan to get married after college, take care of you together. I was going to adopt you and I was ready to love you like my own kid. I mean, at least that’s what I told myself. But when your mom got… when she got sad. Depressed. I couldn’t do anything but watch her eyes literally lose the light in them. It killed me to see her like that. And when I found out what was causing all of it I got so angry. And not at you, Y/n. You were just a kid, you didn’t do anything wrong. But I hated that bastard, I hated him so much that I stubbornly started to reject you. I took it out on you. Whenever I saw you I felt so many negative emotions that it was just easier to avoid you altogether. I wish I could give you something better, but I was as stubborn as a bull. I was an idiot and I don’t think I will ever forgive myself for doing that to an innocent kid. To you, Y/n.” Hyunsik takes a deep breath, forcing himself to look at Y/n.

Y/n flinches at the raw look on the man’s face. She’s never seen anything even remotely close to the expression Hyunsik’s wearing on his face before and Y/n doesn’t know how to deal with it.

“I know you don’t need to hear this from me but I hope you know that you didn’t deserve any of that treatment. You didn’t do anything wrong. In fact, you were a really impressive kid, Y/n. You were so well behaved and innocent and when Chaeyoung told us that you’re… that you’re seeing a therapist, I couldn’t sleep the whole night. I guess it finally opened my eyes, or it was like a kick in the butt. It breaks me whenever I remember how I treated you. Knowing that I’m part of the reason you need to seek out professional help.” Hyunsik’s voice starts trembling and Y/n sucks in a breath, turning her head away.