verb. to learn, discover, or find out, usually little by little or slowly.
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I walked fast going back to the room, ignoring Jungkook's shouts. I'm half embarrassed, half annoyed that I wasn't able to stop myself from mentioning IU.
Of course, it had a big impact on me when I found out Jungkook entered a relationship with IU months after we broke up. It cut a deeper wound. And to think the cut Jungkook left me hasn't even healed yet.
I was hurt and angry for a long time because of it. He said he loves me so how come she was with her? I can't fathom how weak and fickle his feelings were. He's so conflicted that the regret I felt when I decided to leave him went away just like that. I knew I made the right decision.
That was the last time I allowed myself to hear anything from him. Of course, when BTS enlisted, everyone was talking about it and I don't have a choice but to know.
My heartache didn't stop after I ended things with him. It continued until I made myself get numbed, shutting everything down when it came to him.
Maybe the universe did me a favor when the doctor said I wasn't pregnant. Because I can't imagine how my life would've turned out if there was a mini Jungkook that will remind me of him and will connect me with him for the rest of our lives.
I know the years that passed weren't enough to make me forget about him. I tried before when we were kids but I always get reminded of him and even compared him to the boys I met. But I tried. I tried so hard by consuming myself in fulfilling my dreams. In my mind, I should achieve that dream because I couldn't reach the other one.
With all being said, I can't believe I made myself dig up the things I tried to bury: I went to the wedding knowing full well he will be there; I accepted his offer to take me back to Seoul; I allowed him to enter once again in my life.
I am messing with my peace and I must stop before it ruins me again. But how?
"He was here. Again." Seojun said. We're standing in the hallway, waiting for Da-eun's tests for the day to be finished.
"Yeah..." I answered quietly.
"You're making a mistake, Iseul." He pointed out.
"Seojun..." I said in a warning voice.
"You know it, Iseul. You're letting him in again."
"It's bound to happen anyway," I told him.
"Look, I'm saying this as your friend and not someone who's pursuing you. If you will continue doing this, prepare yourself. You're bound to get hurt again. And I don't want to see you being a mess again because of him." He said softly I can't help but tear up.
I looked up and sniffed.
"He doesn't affect me anymore. And the past will not happen again. I didn't come back here for him. And I decided to go back knowing I will cross paths with him because I know I can take it. Right now, my priority is Da-eun." I told him firmly.
