under pressure || kavetham ||

extra - wont go unnoticed

"this is just what i do. pushing you away even though i want to be close to you."

a/n - prepare your tissues. this takes place when haitham finally accepts he loves kaveh.
(dont mind like 5 chase atlantic songs in fhe playlist, i hope u knew im obsessed with chase atlantic.)
heavily inspired by 'breaking his concentration' that one scene iykyk

summary ; you dont get one. im surprising you<3

tw - kaveh crying, stupid nilou, haitham in denial

haithams point of view

i couldn't get him off of my mind. was this what it felt like to 'love' someone? if so, it was annoying. that weird feeling
i get when i even glace at him. he was perfect. too perfect, even.

kaveh and i went to see nilou dance the other day. she was mesmerizing. she outshone everyone on stage, almost as if they were average dancers and she had danced ever since birth.

though she was pretty, her looks couldn't compare to kaveh's. kaveh was the perfect human being that shouldnt have been on teyvat in the first place.

by that, i mean he was too perfect to belong here. everyone here had flaws, but not kaveh. even nilou had at least one flaw— even if it was minor.

if we were part of space, he would be the sun. he shone brighter and bigger than any other star in our galaxy. next to it, was the moon. or should i say, me. the moon and sun had been polar opposites for centeries, yet the moon had a purpose. it shone as bright as it could, but only because of the sun.

the only reason the moon shone, was because of the sun. without the sun, no one would see the moon. no one would recognize it. you see, im not anything without kaveh.

im not alhaitham, kavehs roomate, without kaveh. im not 'irritating' without kaveh. im seriously not anything. i don't want to rely on him, so even if i dont shine as bright anymore, it'll be worth it.

why? because i wont think of him. i wont feel anything for him. it wasnt love, it was despair.

i was going to see nilou, to see if she
could help me get over him. you see, kaveh and i made a pact when we were younger. that we would both stick together no matter what. i couldnt keep that pact. i mustn't say im sorry, because surely, he wouldnt believe it.

nilou was expecting me. i had arrived in the club, crowds collided amongst eachother while the entire building reeked of alchohol.

nilou pulls me by my arm to a table, tilting her head in confusion as why i needed her.

"i know the type of dances you do, would you mind?"

"of course! that will be 700 mo—"

i place 10,000 mora on the table, not caring how much i spent. i go as long as i wanted with all of that. if you divide it, thats 70 minutes. i could do this for an hour and 10 minutes.

maybe by then id forget all about him. maybe by then.

.....

time had passed, and before i knew it, i was making out with her while walking home. i lazily opened the door and flopped us on the couch, her landing on my lap and my hand on the back of her head. she kept her hips moving as the 70 minutes werent over yet.

kavehs point of view 🤨

had someone disrupted my session of regretting my life choices and staring at my ceiling? yes. it was probably alhaitham. i didn't bother checking because i knew he'd come in any second. no matter how drained, annoyed, or mad he was.

in one.. two.. three!

okay, again?

one.. two.. three!

why isnt he coming? i needed my daily dose of serotonin. i sprung up from my bed and opened my door, only to be left with noises and a couch.

i cant see whats on the couch. let me see.

i leaned and hovered over the couch from behind to see haitham and nilou kissing. no— more than that. making out. nilou was grinding against him. he was sure having the time of his life, huh?..

if i said that aloud, my voice would have cracked. my mouth held agape and tears stung my eyes. my gaze softened and let the tears flow across my cheeks like rain pouring down on a hot summer night.

they had pulled away, haitham had turned to look at me slowly, meeting my eyes with an astonished look.

"kaveh.."

"dont." i sniffled, my eyes still on them.

",nilou, give us some privacy, would you?"

"why? we can just continue, its not like he cares."

"nilou-" he pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing.

"GET THE HELL OUT." he raised his voice louder than usual, causing me to flinch more than nilou.

now it was his gaze that had softened. he reached out to carress my cheek, but i smacked his hand away. "you think im a fool, arent i? well, maybe i am a fool. a fool for waiting for you."  i spoke bluntly, though it was true. i was right. i was a fool. why did i think waiting would help?

the more i waited, the more time he had to make other connections. i wanted to wait to see if he'd love me. it'd been years. he still hasn't returned it back.

he didn't reply. he looked almost ashamed that he couldnt. it made me sick.

"kaveh, its not what you think."

"OH REALLY? BECAUSE FROM WHAT I SAW, YOU WERE MAKING OUT WITH NILOU, THE EXOTIC DANCER ON OUR COUCH. IS IT REALLY?"

"calm down, people will hear y—"

"i dont care if people hear me, haitham. not at all."

"its really, really not what you think. if you would just let me explain, it would all work out."

"you had me thinking, 'i could be yours someday.' i was wrong. i could never, ever be yours. not with nilou in your life at least."

"what?"

"im in love with you, alhaitham! isnt that just the worst thing you've ever heard?"

the grey haired boy had paused. maybe he was questioning 'him? inlove with me? couldn't be true.' or 'i could never love him.'

i hated this. every second of it. i would do snything, anything at all, to make me seem more appealing to him. it goes without saying, he didnt love me.

i knew that.

my mind likes to tell me its better that way.

"look, alhaitham. ill leave, okay? thats what you want, isnt it? you dont love me." and as i spoke, my vision got blurry. i felt as if i was going to collapse. i passed out on the back of the couch, my back arched in a position that was not good for me.

"KAVEH!"

"please.. wake up."

i could hear screams and heart monitors. it was getting harder to breathe. the heart monitor was getting slower by the second.  i could feel someone holding my hand, i didn't care. a black butterfly? how beautiful..

oh? is that my heart monitor? why has it gone flat?..

",KAVEH!"

i spring up from my bed, sweating and shaking.

"kaveh, do you need to stay home? ill take care of you today." i wasnt dead? he didnt kiss nilou? why am i in my bed? was it all a dream?

so many questions i wanted the answer to, yet only one will go unanswered.

does he love me?

a/n - i hope that had your heart racing like how kaveh's is rn bc while i was writing this i started crying.

THIS CAUSES ME PAIN TOO BUT I CANT STOP. anyway i told you to bring tissues.

have a great night/morning!! <3  GIMMIE FLUFF SUGGESTIONS RN.