Sea Glass: Marie and Lauryn

Chapter 22

July 5, 2014

Belfast, Northern Ireland

Lauryn woke to the sound of soft voices outside her bedroom door. Letting her eyes adjust to the sun pouring in between the blinds, she found herself lying on her side in Sesame Street patterned pajamas in her small bed, Felix in her arms. 

Oh no, I've done it again. Fiona hates when I wear these pajamas and she hates when Felix is out. 

But then she remembered the events of the night before. She had wet herself by accident at the bar at Pride. Heather had taken her home. Fiona hadn't slept over in her room. 

Heather had. 

And Heather had been accepting of Lauryn, even guiding her to figuring out her feelings. Those feelings that made her crave things that other adults had long outgrown. That quiet, gentle, soft space in her head.

What had she called it again? Oh, right, being a "little." 

"She's me girlfriend, Heather," Lauryn heard Fiona say angrily outside the door, "What the fuck do ye think ye were doin' sleepin' in 'er bed with 'er?"

"I was only taking care of her after you humiliated her and let her leave so upset. You didn't even check in with her to see how she was. What kind of girlfriend is that?" she heard Heather answer.

"She were actin' immature as usual. Couldn't even hold 'er piss."

"Fiona, she has a medical condition. She was so scared and upset, and you dismissed her. All I did was make sure she got home safe and didn't feel so horrible about what happened. That's all." 

"Ye 'ave no idea 'ow needy she is. I love 'er, but she can be a lot." 

The words stung and Lauryn curled up more tightly, pulling Felix to her face. 

"She's not needy and she's not 'a lot.' With the way you treat her, I doubt you actually love her. You might find her attractive, but you don't love her. Loving her would require caring." 

I don't think she loves me either...

"Go to 'ell, Heather. Ye 'ave zero feckin' clue about me and Lauryn together," Fiona said, voice rising.

"I do know that you are so cruel and harsh with her. Usually for no reason. Like yesterday when she clearly needed to eat something before drinking heavily and you dismissed it. She's maybe a little innocent and shy, but so sweet and kind. And you just treat her no better than rubbish." 

"What she shows me and shows ye are two very different things. She can be a brat, ye know. And my god, she's so immature. Ye know she sleeps with a feckin' stuffed animal and wants to watch Disney films all day long? All I asked of 'er is to be a wee bit more mature."

"Have you ever thought that maybe those things are really nice about her? She's not out there shooting up drugs or drinking into oblivion."

Fiona laughed sarcastically.

"Sometimes I'd rather she would. She can barely 'andle one beer and doesn't like to go out to the pubs. Would rather go back 'ome and cuddle that stupid tiger."

"It's not stupid, Fiona."

Tears filled Lauryn's eyes listening to Heather defend her. She wasn't wrong. It just had taken an outside perspective for Lauryn to realize how badly Fiona treated her. She wanted the relationship so badly to work since she just had figured out her sexuality, and that had blinded her to the warning signs. 

But now she saw them like someone splashing ice water on her face.

I am better than this. 

Sliding out of bed, Lauryn dried her eyes and walked to the door. Opening it, she found Fiona fully dressed and Heather still in the t-shirt and shorts she had loaned her last night. While not the original plan, Heather must have fallen asleep and stayed over, running into Fiona on the way to the bathroom.