Sea Glass: Marie and Lauryn

Chapter 11

When they arrived home, Marie sighed, feeling the tension release from her shoulders. It was nice to be home after that conversation...more like altercation. But, what needed to be said was said and Marie hoped they could move forward as a family -- including Lauryn since she was her family -- with her mother. But if she chose to be hateful, Marie would learn how to accept it. Despite the complicated relationship they had, she still loved her mother. And, she knew Lauryn understood this well based on the troubled relationship she had with her own mother. She was incredibly grateful for Lauryn's patience and empathy, despite all that Helen Avon had put her through. 

"I need a drink," she said, putting her handbag down on the chair in the hall, "You can't drink alcohol on your medication yet, but I can get you something like water or juice. Would you like anything?" 

As she turned, Lauryn put her arms around her waist and buried her face in her side. 

"What's wrong?" 

Lauryn shook her head.  

"Do you want something?" 

She shook her head again. 

"Baby, I can't always read your mind. Tell me what's wrong."

"I c-c-can't."

"Why not? Are you in pain, Lauryn? If that's the case, you need to tell me," she said, alarmed. 

"N-n-no. It's j-j-just I c-c-can't b-b-because it's s-s-selfish."

"What's selfish, sweetheart?" Marie asked, "You are the most unselfish person I know, so I very much doubt it."

Lauryn was silent for a few moments before she whispered, "Just w-w-want m-m-mama."

She just wants to be little. 

Warmth unfurled in Marie's chest in the place of worry.  It made her so glad that Lauryn wanted to be little. It was a peculiar thing to her that caring for her as her mommy made her unwind so. Sometimes, like now, she craved it. During the last week after she had been discharged from the hospital, Marie had craved watching children's movies together, nursing her, cuddling her as she woke up from a nap, seeing her suckle her pacifier as she played, patting her bottom as she fell asleep, and all the other things they did together when Lauryn was little. But, she hadn't felt little.

"You think feeling little makes you selfish?" Marie asked, rubbing her back.

Lauryn nodded.

"Why, baby?" 

"B-b-because I know l-l-little m-m-me c-c-can b-b-be a lot t-t-to t-t-take c-c-care of when y-y-you c-c-clearly j-j-just w-w-want t-t-to relax," she said, the tone of her voice closer to what it was when she was little, but clearly hovering in a middle space between big and small. 

Time to push her over the edge into littleness.

"Oh, I see," she said, "It's not selfish to be little, monkey. It's a gift for me. And it just so happens mama wants her baby, too. I've been missing little Lauryn. How about we get you changed into something a little more appropriate? You look very much like a sophisticated lady on her way to brunch in London and I don't think that this is quite right for a little girl like you who needs nappies and wants to watch Moomins all day."

Lauryn blushed bright red and looking at the floor, shook her head. Marie knew well the signs of when Lauryn started to slip. She became even quieter than usual, her voice got very soft and expressive, her shoulders hunched in a little, and she became very shy, not able to make eye contact but very clingy in the best way. It was so cute to watch.