Beauty and rage

chapter 21 ~ kneels down

They left and I'm panicking, not that you can tell from my facial expressions but I am, it's hard to breathe so I sit down, good thing it didn't rain so it's not muddy,

I take deep breaths, I feel my eyes water-

Fuck no

Fuck. No

I am not going to cry, I have been tortured, raped, beaten, slapped, they broke my leg, hand but I haven't dropped one tear and I won't do it now

I sigh and feel familiar vanila scent

"Come out" I shout but nothing happened

"I won't be mad Silas" I add and he gets down

"I know you been there since the beginning" I say "just tell me what did you hear"

Maybe he didn't hear that much, I hope.

"Silvia... How are you" he asks, And I don't look at him

"I'm wonderful, I'm strong okay, i don't need protection I don't need anyone I can do it all alone like I been doing past 17 damn Year" I breath heavily, I need to say something something more, say that I can that I'm the best

But... That doesn't matters because if I can't protect one who I live for.

Silas comes close to me kneels down

"You can't kneel down you're the dom" I tell him

"I know you don't understand but at this very moment, with my knees on the floor, looking up to your eyes that shine like the forest at the light of a sun, I pledge all of my loyalty and soul to you"

"You are right I don't understand, what you said sounded more like a- a confession" I question  " and I don't do that" I paise "you know the feelings"

"Oh trust me I know but I'm not asking you to love me, I'm begging you to let me help you Silvia and to give me small amount of trust"

I don't want to, I don't want to depend on someone.

"I will think about it" I answered, he's still on his knees and I look at them

I see his hand movement he takes out a napkin and starts to clean my boots that are covered in dust

And after he was done, I got up and we started to walk in silence, I been making all the decisions by myself, I had no trouble because no one knew about her, I can't risk it now that Dimitri knows it,

"Silvia" Silas calls and snaps me out of my thoughts

"Yea"

"We're here" he says

"Oh okay" I started to walk to the door

"I will be waiting for the answer" he said and walked away

I go inside of my house and started to think,

What if she does, what then, no I can't let that happen

My thoughts were interrupted by a phone call, I look at it and see it's my mom

"Hi, mom"

"Hi darling, how are you doing"

"I'm great" I answer

"What happened what's wrong with your voice"

"Nothing, I'm fine"

"Don't believe that, I don't wanna push You but, I know you always hide whenever you're not okay but since you can't this time it means something did happened"

"I will be back in London in a day or two, so let's talk then"

"Oh my god finally, okay darling, see you soon"

"Bye mom"

" Bye cara Mia"

And I hand up, it's late I should go to sleep and I fall asleep as soon as my head touched the pillow.