bts x jungkook oneshots <3

⚠️what once was - jungkook solo

tw // everything really

non bts au

x

jungkook misses the past.

he longs for his life before today.
and before yesterday
and the day before that.

he wishes for the years prior. even though he wasn't happy. he misses the anxiety and the pain. he misses getting drunk before school. he misses the nicotine addiction. he misses the messy house parties and the drugs. he misses watching his best friend hook up with guys and filming it for snapchat. why was life so much better when it was all so much worse?

why is it to hard to accept that he's not like that anymore? why can't he be the wild teenager that stays out all night. why can't he walk around with hickeys on his neck and makeup from last night still lingering on his face? why was it better when he couldn't go a day without self harming? why is sober life so fucking bleak? why can't he feel things? why can't he orgasm? when was the last time he kissed someone ...?

when was the last time he saw hoseok? or jin? or namjoon? why can't he remember what it felt like to be stoned? why have all his cuts healed? why does he eat well? why is he ... okay?

people cared about him then. he was fun. social. now he's just a loser that never leaves the house. why was he better off when he was fucked?

what's going on?

why is it much harder to be ... better?

he misses sleeping on the floor. skipping breakfast. being late for work.

why can't he wake up and be seventeen again?

what's so good about being eighteen?

what's so good about being healthy?

what's so good about being alive..?

maybe one day he can have this old life back.

or maybe he will just have to accept that it will never be like -

what it once was.

----
recovery is very difficult.

ej