Before The Past

Ch. 54

Tick Tick Tick

Eleven fifty-eight.

two more minutes until I leave this school forever. 

Tick Tick Tick

Eleven fifty-nine

One more minute until we go down in history as the ones who killed the greatest wizard of all time. 

Tick Tick Tick

Midnight. 

Time for me to prove myself. 

I peered around in hopes that nobody was awake. I sat up quietly and walked across the floor, trying not to make any noise. At that point the only thing I feared would wake someone was the sound of my heart pounding through my chest. 

I felt as though my insides wanted to hurl themselves out of my body. My mind was all in a buzz and I couldn't think straight. I debated on even walking out the door. Maybe if I went back in bed and woke up the next day I'd be innocent. I would tell somebody that I was forced into it all and that I didn't want to do it.

They wouldn't believe me. 

They'd ask, why didn't I say anything earlier? Why did I wait until after the infiltration to come clean? Could I truly be trusted if I had the dark mark on? 

It was pointless. My fate was sealed and there was no turning back, the consequences were too great. I would do it with confidence and not take a second glance. Somehow I've already convinced myself that I'll be the one to do it. I would do it without hesitation, not Draco, me. We hadn't even discussed who it may be, perhaps he had the same idea. Regardless, I'd be the first to get to it, it was going to be me.

 Why was I suddenly so determined? 

I walked out of the dorm room and Draco did the same. We walked down the stairs, almost in sync. We stopped for each other at the bottom, nodded and walked out of the common room. The halls felt different, everything felt different. The slightest noise from the breeze or a painting adjusting themselves set me on edge. I was paranoid, and so was Draco. He looked around just as much, constantly readjusting his tie and folding his cuffs. 

We stopped at the wall, the distinct wall that we'd been going in and out of for months now. The wall that we can open with practiced ease. The lines appeared in the same pattern as it always did. We walked in and followed the same path to the same red cloth covered cabinet. 

Until now I'd never realized how familiar all of this was. 

Before I didn't have a reason to notice. Now though, I was trying to find any way to distract myself. I counted the steps it took to get there. I listened to the bird that now roamed the large room, singing it's lovely songs. I observed all of the familiar pieces stacked on top of one another like a puzzle. Who knew focusing on such things would help so much. 

We discussed the plan once more, hoping that going over it would stall just enough time. There was never enough time. If I had it my way we would have all the time in the world before this, but we didn't. I was naïve enough to convince myself that the day would never come. Now that it has I feel unprepared and a new sense of uncertainty has washed over me. 

Our last two plans didn't work out, so who's to say this one will? Don't be silly, there's no such thing as the curse back firing. There has only been one exception and since then there hasn't been another. 

Tonight was going to be the end of it. 

"Are we ready for this?" Draco whispered. 

"Not at all." I responded.