Your fabricated lie

8 - Inches between us

Anu's POV:

Did he just rant it out to a diary?! Who is Dori, by the way?

I didn't know if I should be happy for the fact that he regretted losing me or if I should be sad for the amount of pain he went through. True, they were just printed data from his journal entries. Yet, I could visualize the blots on paper caused by his tears.

I am very sure he cried really hard while making note of all those terrible nightmares. I swear, I won't ever be able to pretend that strong. I mean, he had no wall to lean on, no shade to lie under. He spent his years of pain just by penning all his positive and negative moments. How dreadful had it been for him to go undergo all this alone? Now, I hated myself for leaving him. I hated myself for not being by his side when he needed me the most.

All those brutal things I told him alarmed at once. I can't even count the number of times I accused him as a murderer in spite of being his defense attorney.

There were hardly ten entries I read and my urge to read all the other entries increased with proportion to the deep night that was setting in.

I looked at the ticking clock and it was 2 o'clock already. For someone who spent 15 days at home, going out in the middle of the night is definitely a big deal.

I couldn't fight off the urge to meet him. The kind of feeling my body's sensing is not something that I would like to have a battle with. I wanted to meet him and I am going to meet him. I shut the laptop and wore an overcoat.

The moment I stepped out of the room, I saw Gautham standing there. It is a wonder as to how my body didn't even flinch looking at his silhouette. He took a few steps forward and gave me the car keys. "Be careful," is all he said. A subtle nod out of awkwardness was a reply to such sweet concern.

The empty roads and silence around me didn't let me drive peacefully. In my entire life, silence was never this loud. Every minute I was getting close to him, the symphony of all those brutal things I said to him played over and over again. Every vanishing kilometer questioned me if it was right to meet him at this time. Ignoring the dilemma and unorganized thoughts in my head, I kept going ahead.

45 minutes. It took 45 minutes for me to reach and the 48th minute I was standing in front of his door breathing heavily.

Just knock! Don't! It's okay, he will not mind! I SAID, DON'T... I had a battle with myself for six straight minutes.

At the strike of the seventh minute, the door opened even when I didn't knock. I looked... and I kept looking as if it was our first time meeting after 12 years.

True that my brain isn't ready to study the atmosphere or analyze his thoughts but still my body felt the chills from his cold stare. He looked different. His aura felt different and his presence around me felt different. Not sure if my perception changed or it is him who changed.

"Since when were you contemplating whether to knock or not?" He asked me, still holding on to the bolt of the door.

"Since you sensed a warm heart freezing out here," I said and already repented. My plan was to read the rest of the entries. That's all. Nothing more. Nothing less.

He invited me in and was walking ahead of me showing his back to me. Fu*k! His broad shoulders and his perfectly proportioned body are in front of me again. The impulse to pull him close and kiss is not something that my body wants to fight. The more I try to snap out of it, the more I am diving in - unknowingly.

He turned around, facing me for some reason. Before he got to say something, I took a step forward, grabbed him by his neck, and placed a kiss on his lips. I discerned his nervousness as he was not kissing me back. Still, I kept going. It was too late for me to realize that this was not part of my plan.

I know - I know there's no need to fight it. There is no way I am holding back tonight because it's him. It was him all along.

It was just a peck for a while and the next second I pressed my lips against his even harder. I slightly pulled back and his forehead was on mine. Not being brave enough to open eyes, I kept them closed for the next few seconds.

I realized this ain't the end when he placed his right hand on my waist, touched my cheek with the other one and pulled me against him until the entire distance vanished.

I let go of my phone and car keys just like that so that I could wrap my arms around him. We had one small kiss for one second, pulled away for another, then started devouring each other.

When I almost thought it couldn't get more romantic, I felt his warm tongue in me. We stood in the same spot and kissed for a long time - A very long time. I am not sure about mine but his lips were warm and soft.

I took a few steps forward and he moved back according to my pace. Once we were near the couch, I pushed him onto the couch and sat on his lap, straddling him.

Looking at each other for a while, breathing heavily, we continued kissing. We kissed to the point where there was no room for air anymore. We both were breathless yet neither of us wanted to stop ourselves.

It was all new for me. Still, my brain commanded me to unbutton his shirt.

I let my hands fall from his neck to his chest. His increased BPM of heart was clear to me when I rested my hand on his chest.

Unbuttoned 1st one. 2nd one. And the third one too. Before I could get him half naked, he pulled himself gently away from me.

I looked at him questioning as to why he did that when my hands were still holding that fourth button.

"Eyes are watching," he whispered with his deep ass voice which was an absolute turn on for me. That whisper worked ten times harder than the kiss.

Getting my hands off of him with the utmost awkwardness, I got up from his lap. While getting off, my leg tripped and I fell on my back which made the scenario even more awkward.

"I am fine. I am fine," I rapped when he came to help me. I sat there and then on the floor in a cross legged position.

Wait, what am I supposed to do now? Apologize? Or Tell him I am possessed by some ghost or... God!
Just say sorry. Just say it. Just say sor - "I think I should leave," I went against my thoughts.

"My... bedroom... doesn't have eyes..." He held my wrist when I was leaving to pick my car keys and phone.

O.M.F.G...He. Did not. Just. Said that!

Unlocking my hands slowly, I said, "...and how do you think we are gonna make our way from here till your bedroom with all this awkwardness?"

I have loosen his shirt to the point where his chest was visible. When I found myself staring again, I realized I am gonna have a hard time moving on from this. He noticed me staring at his chest. I gulped.

"Why am I having inappropriate thoughts?" I turned to the other side, rubbing my forehead. After a short pause, "Button up first," I yelled.

I stared at him buttoning up as if I have never seen a man doing that. Inhaling sharply, "Is it just me or - or it's basically hot in here?" I stumble on my words.

"Sexual tension - That is what they call," he said with a straight face and low tone. Adi had this cold and calm attitude that made things more suspicious.

Before it could get any more complicated, I grabbed my keys and left with strong and aggressive foot steps. Now, me bumping into the glass door was a sign of showing how lost I was.

Forgetting my phone at his house and realizing when I reached home was another sign!

I know. I know I fucked it up. And there is nothing I can do about it.