Your fabricated lie

11 - The broken side

They say silence isn't empty, it's full of answers. Surely, it has been more than ten minutes still I didn't find any answer to my questions in this silence.

My anticipation to hear his story deepened with the silence. I was least bothered to break this tranquility though I wanted to as I was waiting for Aditya to take the initiative. I was giving him enough time to think and compose himself.

The more time he takes to frame his story, the better. After all, I don't want him to talk about things he is not supposed to. Slip of tongue is still the cause of many problems.

"Just imagine walking through that door holding a chocolate cake and finding a burning body," he finally spoke.

Though I was glad about the fact that he spoke, I was not at all pleased to hear that statement from him. I mean, I did expect the conversation to be this way.

Guess I need to brace myself.

He asked, "What would you do if you were in my position?" After thinking for a while, "Try to put off the fire, I guess," I again proved how stupid I could be.

Staring at the blank wall, "Exactly. Anyone would do the same regardless of whether we can save them or not - But you know what I did? I shut the door!" He sobbed.

Oh my god, he is crying!

My backbone erected automatically looking at his poor self. He further said, "It's true that I was in India on the 25th. It's true that I came to wish my wife and it's absolutely true that I disabled the fire alarm".

God, he is confessing the truth. Had he done the same thing in court, he would have been in jail. It's still a wonder as to how he hid all these things and was carrying them all by himself.

When I was busy sympathizing him, he said, "I saw my best friend turning into ashes but could do nothing. Though she was dead, till date I get these nightmares and visions of her screaming out of pain and begging me to save her, Anu," he cupped his hands in front of his face. I shut my eyes suddenly as it was too much for me to think of.

He cried for the next couple of minutes burying his face in his palms. He cried and I cried because he was crying.

"There's a lot you need to know," he said, "I might not get another chance or this level of courage to confess the truth that I swept under the rug".

He continued with his confession. "I knew this side of hers one day after my mom's death. Even then I did everything I could to change her. In this process I showed her a pic of the female artist I was collaborating with. After two days, I went to Singapore for some work then came back to celebrate her birthday. That is the day I realized I married a monster - in fact, had I not locked her up in the room, probably you would have been dead by now".

Whoa! I didn't see that coming.

He continued saying, "To be honest, it was me who hit you with the truck". This disclosure of his came as a complete shock. Now, I am not sure if I should believe him or not.

I broke eye contact as those eyes were demanding more than trust and I found myself fulfilling all his demands when I hate it.

He shared all those things I am aware as well as unaware of. I stood there like a pole and tried my best to remember all the key points. My bad, I didn't have a notepad to take notes.

"I am true example of 'fucked up personal life and prosperous professional life'. Now, even my professional life has started falling apart. The only thing that isn't shattered is my shadow and my reflection... Had the mirror showed internal scars, I would have been in the emergency ward," he said and that statement was too heavy for me to carry. For some reason, I blamed myself for everything that happened in his life.

What kind of love is it when I am also a reason for his broken existence?!

He sighed heavily. "I am barely surviving not knowing why... Please pull the dagger, Anu. It's getting difficult here," he broke down into tears.

I literally took three long steps and hugged him as tightly as possible. One minute. Two minutes. Three minutes passed by and I stayed still letting my kurti absorb all his tears.

The non stop flow of tears showed me how hurt and how shattered this guy is. That one hug was just an effort to fix all those pieces.

I am very sure - mending a broken heart is to break oneself. I know I might collapse in the journey of saving him but if that is what this stupid heart wants, then I am ready to pour down everything to save him.

I guess, he has a problem letting things go. Back then he couldn't let go of the past and now he is not able to let me go.

That five minute hug is what we both needed to survive for another decade. In the cold world we are living in, that one warm hug put our minds at ease.

Not a moment to be romantic but I hope I could spend the rest of my life in his arms.

Pulling myself away from him, I held his face and said, "Let's get outta here".

Staying there for one more moment will just make his emotional and mental condition worse. We got off the elevator and were very close to the car, yet this guy refused to let go of my hand.

While going he held it because he wanted me to see all his scars and now he is holding on because he wants me to fix all his scars.

I eyed his hopeless grip and offered to drive assuming that he is not in a condition to drive.

The fact that he is still holding onto life still surprises me. I mean, I am glad that he is strong but... I know. I know what it takes to get over things like this. It ain't easy to be strong when you are actually not. That pain feels like stabbing someone 64 times and forcing them to smile 65 times!

There was a hand in the darkness and it had a knife. Had he knew in advance, he would have carried a lantern!

A simple rejection had me take counseling for three months and be on medication for six months. All along I thought I was the only one who was suffering. Guess, I was and am wrong. All along!