A Means to an End (WangXian)

If Only I Knew

Panic.

His body felt frozen, but was racked with chills that made his whole body shake. His mind was a whirlwind that had no plans of slowing down. Anyone could see the terror in his eyes. His blood shot eyes that no longer were able to hide the tears that fell down them. His gut wrenched, making him want to keel over and hurl, but he couldn't, no. He was too terrified. Too lost in himself to do anything.

Wake up! He told himself. This has to be a dream. It's too soon for these events to play out! It can't happen yet! Damnit wake up!

He knew he was in a dream. He knew that what he was experiencing was too out of order for it to be accurate, yet he still struggled to maintain his composure to believe his own words that he kept repeating. He kept screaming in his head, trying desperately to do something-anything to end this nightmare. He felt like he was losing his voice in the process.

His sister's gentle hand fell to the ground, limp. A haunted smile on her lips and blood seeping out of the deep wound in her chest. Her eyes were still open, staring at Wei Wuxian. He saw Jiang Cheng holding her tightly and tears were streaming down his face as he cried out over his sister. An aggressive look flashing over his eyes as he noticed Wei Wuxian trying to approach.

Make it stop! You can't do this! He cried. Even the mere idea of watching his shijie die and his shidi hate him with such a vengeance-it broke him.

"A-Xian," she called. With unfocused eyes, Wei Wuxian looked at his sister, pleading for her to be alright-to just survive, just this once. "Why couldn't you protect me? Why did you let me die? What will my son do now?"

"Shijie, no. I'm so sorry! I-I didn't mean-"

"Your apologies can't fix anything."

A broken sob escaped Wei Wuxian and he felt like collapsing. "No, shijie." Her eyes closed, and her body went still. "Shijie, please! Take me instead! Kill me instead! Let her live! Please! I-I can't do this! Shijie!"

Shijie!

"You broke your promise." A new voice shot out. Wei Wuxian turned around. He was in the burial mounds. Wen Ning laid on the ground, frozen. Wen Qing stared at him with hateful eyes. "You couldn't save us," she said. Fire surrounded her feet and began burning away at her clothes and flesh. The smell was nauseating and Wei Wuxian wanted to hurl.

"No, please! I-I tried! I'm so sorry!" Tears kept streaming down his face, he couldn't watch this continue. He fell to his knees and sobbed. His hands gripped his hair roughly. "We're all dead because of you." All the Wen's chanted, even little A-Yuan.

"It's all my fault! I should have protected you better!" Wretched sobs escaped Wei Wuxian. He curled farther into himself and roughly pulled at his hair, desperate for any kind of distraction.

"You'll burn in hell for your crimes!"

Wei Wuxian shot up and ignored the dizzy spell that came over him; desperate to reach his sister and make sure she was okay, that she was alive. He wanted to see Wen Qing and beg for her forgiveness. He couldn't care that his eyes stung with freshly fallen tears, or that his heart was racing a million miles. He just needed to see them.

The night was cool, and a gentle breeze wafted through the air. He looked at his surroundings. He was in the Cloud Recesses, and he was safe. Jiang Yanli, Wen Qing, and Wen Ning were safe.

Wei Wuxian knew he was prone to nightmares after the Sunshot campaign, and he knew he wouldn't be able to block out his screams, so he had wandered around the grounds trying to keep himself awake. It didn't work, and it wasn't long before he fell asleep leaning against a tree.