Hermitcraft One-shots (Mostly Ren)

Incorrect Quotes

Grian, calling Team Star: I have her.
Doc: You have who?
Grian: Your friend, False.
Impulse: Oh.
Grian: ... "Oh"?
Ren: You don't have her.
Xisuma: She has you.
Grian: *Turns around* AAAAAAAAA-

Zed: Onion rings are vegetable donuts.
Tango: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.
Impulse, walking in: What's going on in here?
Tango: Lasagna is just spaghetti flavoured water.
Zed: Lobsters are mermaids to scorpions.
Impulse: Please no...
Skizz: No, no, continue, I'm interested.

EX, chilling with Worm Man: I haven't been this happy since...
Worm Man: Since when?
EX, crying: I've never been happy before-

Ren: Hey man, can we go out for ice cream?
Doc: Did you ask X?
Ren: He said no.
Doc: Then why are you asking me?
Ren: He's not the boss of you.
Doc, internally: IT'S A TRAP IT'S A TRAP IT'S A TRAP

Scar: Poison is actually a magic potion that turns people into corpses.
Doc: This knife is actually a magic wand.
Cleo: Meet me at the Denny's parking lot for a wizard duel.
False, bringing out a gun: I cast Magic Missile!

Cleo: Hey Joe, if I cut off my leg and swing it at you, am I hitting you or kicking you?
Joe: I think you'd mentally scar me more than anything-

Doc: I scream!
Doc: You scream!
Doc: We all scream constantly, every day is a new nightmare in this hell hole we call Minecraft.
Ren: ... Are you okay?

(Shopping)
Zed: *looking around frantically*
Zed: Impulse, have you seen Tango?
Impulse: *shakes head* No.
Zed: All right then... MARCO!
Tango, nearby: POLO!
Zed: That came from the wine aisle, didn't it?

EX: Hels! Hels where are you?!
Badtimes: No, you're doing it wrong, let me handle it.
EX: What?
Badtimes: HⒺls!
Hels: WHAT DO YOU WANT?!
EX, trembling: How did you do that-

Ren, texting: babe, come home
Doc: I can't. I'm hiding a body.
Ren: my dad isn't home
Doc: I know.

False, googling: snake bite leg what to do
Google: Elevate and apply pressure.
False, lifting snake up high: APOLOGISE OR ELSE.

Stress: Luv, you think every round food is an apple.
Iskall: No I don't!
Stress, holding cherries: What are these?
Iskall: Tiny apples.
Stress, pointing at pumpkins: What are those?
Iskall: Halloween apples.

Ren: Doc, what are you doing?
Doc, lying facedown on the floor: It's a coping mechanism.
Ren: ... For what?
Doc: Life.

Tango: I wish we could block people in real life.
Impulse: A restraining order.
Zed: Murder.

Zed: Dinner's too hot, I can't eat it.
Tango: You're too hot and I still eat you.
Zed: *turns red*
Tango: *grins*
Impulse: One dinner. I just wanted one peaceful dinner. ONE-

Ren: I wasn't hurt that badly.
Doc: Oh, okay, good I was beginning to worry-
Ren: Stress said all the bleeding was internal. That's where the blood is supposed to be.
Doc: ಠ_ಠ

Cub: What's worse than heartbreak?
Scar: Stepping on a cat's tail and not being able to explain that you're sorry.

Ren: *Hits hand on a table*
Ren: OW! MY ARMKLE!
Xisuma: Sorry- your what?
Doc: *sigh* He means his wrist.

Xisuma: *sneezes*
Joe, from a different room: Bless you!
Xisuma: God?

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Lol that's all I have