Im Not Going Anywhere | Neyteyam x Reader ff

18.

•Never Can Say Goodbye•

The reality of loss, is that you will grieve forever... you will never truly recover from the loss of someone you loved; instead you learn to live with it. you heal. you grow and learn from it, and overtime you will become whole again but...never the same

Sitting in the warm night breeze, I found myself lifelessly looking out at the water. No words spoken, no emotions shown. The air around felt thick, like it was weighing me down, keeping me from moving.

I sat there blankly with tear stained cheeks, nothing on my mind, nothing to keep me from completely slipping away. The wind blew through my dull black hair that once use to shine in the midnight light.

It felt wrong to cry so I forced myself to stop. I felt selfish and insensitive, like I didn't deserve to cry because I didn't know Neteyam like his family did.

I'm not his sister nor his best friend, yet I was crying like I've known him my whole life.

I tried ignoring the thumping that was in my head causing it to throb in pain. There was a slight burning feeling coming from my palm that was now neatly wrapped and cleaned.

Memories from the past few hours flooded through my head over and over, forcing me to remember the things me and everyone else went through.

The sound of the waves crashing against each other slightly flooded out the sound of soft footsteps coming from behind me.

turning my head slightly I saw the outline of a tall slender body. I turned away quickly not saying anything, letting the sounds around pull me away from reality once more.

From the corner of my eye, I could see the boy coming and sitting next to me. The wind blew pass my face sending a shiver down my spine, I tried ignoring the presence of the blue boy next to me, but him being there was to much to bear.

"I know how you feel..." Lo'ak stated quietly, he sat with one leg pulled up to his chest resting his arm on it staring out at the water. "I feel the same, if not worse. It's hard to lose the person closest to you, especially if you don't see it coming."

I felt my heart skip and beat at his words. He was right, it is harder when you don't see it coming... I didn't.

Lo'ak let out a soft sigh and looked over at me. I didn't move, I didn't speak, just kept my focus forward.

"Look; I don't want this to be something that keeps us from each other" Lo'ak said after some time, keeping his gaze on the side of my face "we're still friends, and I got your back"

I felt horrible not saying anything to Lo'ak but I knew it was for his own good. I couldn't bare the lost of someone else and have to live with the fact that I could have stopped it if only I made the right choice.

"you don't have to say anything, but could you at least look at me?" he said desperately

I stayed still again, wrapping my arms around myself tightly as if that would protect me from the real world. Lo'ak let out a sigh of defeat.

"I guess you wont understand real pain until you're forced to watch someone who means everything to you died" Lo'ak said coldly after another silent reply from me.

"Neteyam was my brother; the least you can do is open your mouth and say something" Lo'ak said while standing up to walk away. Those words were enough to break me out of my thoughts, they were enough to get me to look over at the boy walking away, they were enough to make me realize just how much anger I had built up that was just patiently waiting to come out.

I could tell he didn't mean those words, but he was angry and so was I, so I let my emotions get the best of me.

"Neteyam meant everything to me!" I finally got the courage to speak up, raising my voice slightly as I stood up. Lo'ak stopped in his tracks turning back my way slowly "and for you, a boy who doesn't even know his place in his life, to tell me I will never understand real pain is low, because last I checked, the only thing you ever lost was your brother" I paused breathing heavily looking deeply into the eyes of the boy I once saw as a friend.

"I lost everything" I whispered out as tear clouded my eyes. "My grandma was my best friend... she was my everything, when she died it was just me and Turu." I choked saying the name of my dead Ilu, walking closer to Lo'ak. I could see the regret fill in his eyes as he stared down at me.

Lo'ak never knew about my grandmother's passing, I guess I just never had any time to tell him anything about me really.

"The day you guys came here, my life changed...he changed me..." my voice cracked as a tear slipped from my eye

"So excuse me for keeping my mouth shut and not saying anything to you about your dead brother. Not everybody can get over something like this so quick and act like nothing happened" I quickly swatted the tears that fell from my eyes away.

"And I don't need anyone telling me everything's gonna be okay, because let's face it, its not... he's dead, he's not coming back...EVER! So when are you gonna wake up and snap out of that 'wannabe cool boy' act and actually grow a pair" I snapped, breathing heavily as I looked over his face, trying to read his expression.

Lo'ak stared blankly at me with scrunched eyebrows. He shook his head slowly and let out a breathless laugh rubbing a hand over his chin as he look down at the ground then back at me.

"go to hell Y/n" was all he said to me before walking off bumping my shoulder as he did.

I stumbled back catching myself as I registered what just happened. My lips trembled as I tried to tell myself not to cry, but of course that didn't happen.

I wrapped my arms around myself as i fell to my knees and cried. All the pain I went through just increased as I lost yet another person that meant so much to me.

just a different type of lost...

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The ending of this chapter was kinda rushed cause I wanted to get another update in.

Words: 1210
A/n:
OMGGG!! guysss I am soooo sorry for the long awaited update :(

Y'all would not understand the struggle I went through the last couple of weeks, smh

I've was busy with volleyball practice and games..and then my phone stopped working so I had to get it fixed and to top all of that off my laptop decided it wanted to break sooo, you can imagine how my life is going rn😅

but I'm back and I'm ready to continue writing, thank you for all the love and support I appreciate every single one of you and can't ask for better ❤️

I hope you all enjoyed!

ill see you guys next update!

😘👋

-London💕