Stranger Who Knows All My Secrets [A Marvel FanFic]

Chapter 33: Wash Produce Before Use

Bucky Barnes had done many challenging things in his life. He'd become a soldier, jumped out of airplanes over enemy territory in the dead of night, been shot, beaten, tortured, fought aliens, monsters, and cybernetically enhanced human beings, and even struggled a constant uphill battle with his depression but never, ever in his life had he faced anything like his most recent challenge. 

Then again, he didn't think trying to teach Elena Constantin how to cook would be so difficult, and yet somehow it was proving to be the one thing he may actually fail at. It wasn't his methods, no he was a good instructor of that he was sure of, it was entirely Elena. The woman somehow managed to turn everything into a project but then again, Bucky had recently upped the game from "easy" to "intermediate".

There just wasn't much left for him to teach in the realm of breakfast and grilled cheese, plus there were only so many times you could teach a person how to scramble, fry and flip. Elena had finally learned how to not burn the eggs, how to follow the recipe on the box of pancake mix, fry bacon in a sheet pan, and how to get the perfect golden crust on cheese toasties, as she liked to call grilled cheese sandwiches. It seemed only natural for Bucky to turn their attention to actual meals, preferably ones that weren't microwaved because somehow even those came out partially frozen half the time Elena made them. Honestly, it was amazing the woman hadn't starved to death years ago because she was useless in the kitchen.

Bucky tried though, after all, he had promised Elena that she would become decent enough to cook to be able to use the pot he had bought her for Christmas. There were some problems with that though, namely that they were hardly ever home in Brooklyn long enough to justify buying groceries that would undoubtedly expire by the time they got back. More than once Bucky had purchased a gallon of milk intending to drink it before the week was out only to get called away on an assignment and then come back to find something growing inside the carton. 

It was actually an issue most of the team had, their refrigerators looked like pathetic wastelands filled with heels of bread, old cold cuts, assorted condiments, corner store impulse buys, and in Natasha's case, a box of baking soda that had been holding strong since it was put in there at the dawn of time.

Cooking on assignments was also not as reasonable as it sounded. A majority of the time they were camped out in the woods surviving on dehydrated packets of mystery meat, the other half of the time they were in a motel or a safe house with a kitchen only big enough to make coffee and eggs. They ate a lot of take-out while they were away from home and even Steve had started to pack on a few extra pounds around his mid-section which had both Natasha and Elena grabbing onto his love handles whenever he went to the gym to work out.

Bucky had long ago given up on trying to rid himself of the excess weight, opting to simply keep himself from putting on anymore through maintenance but mainly because he never wanted to do that damn suicide workout Sam had made him try, again. Admittedly, rather than shedding a few pounds, he put on five more although that was due in part to the fact that Bucky had gotten into the bad habit of dragging his lifeless body from the compound gym to the lounge where he'd throw himself on the couch and let Carol feed him potato chips while she coordinated battle plans with her shapeshifting friends halfway across the universe.

If anything, it was all Rhodey's fault the team had such bad eating habits. How were any of them expected to stay in shape when they were constantly galavanting around the world (and the cosmos in some cases)? Sure, there was a lot of running and feats of physical fitness that normal people weren't capable of but there were also long stints of not eating because of unexpected changes in circumstance, unhealthy dependences on coffee and alcohol, and Tony Stark feeling the need to treat everyone to numerous parties and outings that involved the most decadent and high-calorie foods known to mankind.