Stranger Who Knows All My Secrets [A Marvel FanFic]

Chapter 29: February, June, September

There were really only so many times you could go on an assignment with someone before they saw the absolute worst side of you. Bucky had seen the worst side of Elena a million times, she either couldn't control herself or trusted him a lot. He on the other hand tried very hard to make sure he never faltered and honestly, he couldn't even believe he managed to go over a year and a half without Elena witnessing him have the absolute worst kind of nightmare. 

Sure, she'd been there for a few of the less intense nightmares, the ones that made him shout when they jolted him awake and which scared her out of her own sleep but what happened in Nepal was very different. They were camping out near a remote fishing village just south of Kathmandu and were doing just fine at first, grilling up some of the stuff they grabbed in the city over the small campfire they made before they were to head out in the morning to meet up with the humanitarian convoy they were supposed to protect.

They stayed up late, played cards, and several travel-sized versions of classic games like Battleship, Boggle, Checkers, and Monopoly which he had gotten into the habit of packing after Elena found them in a Walmart near Barton's house around Christmas. After several rounds of Guess Who which they played using pictures of all their friends instead of the cartoon characters that came with them, Elena said goodnight and crawled into her tent to sleep. It wasn't a particularly dangerous assignment so neither of them needed to keep watch, which was why Bucky decided to try getting some sleep himself and it came fairly easy.

Unfortunately, so did the nightmare.

Blood was all Bucky could see. Blood everywhere and a man screaming and begging for mercy while telling The Winter Soldier he had a family, several children, and a wife. The man was carrying a shopping bag full of toys in one hand and a bouquet of flowers in the other but he dropped both and fell to his knees while pulling a cross out from underneath his shirt. The man repeatedly begged Soldat to spare him, praying for protection from God, from whoever the hell was out there supposedly watching after all their souls but he kept moving closer to the guy. The poor man had an absolute look of fear and pure terror across his face, yet Soldat couldn't stop himself from gripping the gun tighter and holding it up to the man's head. He pulled the trigger without a second thought, spreading brain matter and blood across the walls causing the man to slump over the gifts, all colorful, bright, and stained red.

Soldat did nothing but stare at the mess, he felt cold and empty but physically, in the waking world, Bucky was suffering. He was there alone in his tent, laying on his back and feeling an Earth-sized weight bearing down on his chest, he was soaked in sweat, breathing heavily, and unable to wake himself. 

In the nightmare Soldat's attention was dragged away from the dead man to the dozens of police officers approaching him with guns drawn, he went straight for the closest one, smacking the gun from the officer's hand and squeezing his metal hand around the uniform's neck until it snapped. Then he went after the rest of them, killing them all in a fierce fight before the tape suddenly rewound itself back to the beginning and started over.

There was no breaking free of the memory, no deviating, no snapping himself out of it or waking himself up. Just over and over, killing seven men in a matter of minutes. The tenth time around things went differently, he murdered the man with the shopping bags and flowers, but the first cop to approach wasn't holding a gun, they just held out an empty palm toward Soldat. The policeman approached him cautiously, as always, but oddly there was that empty hand still outstretched as if Soldat was meant to reciprocate a handshake or something. 

Instead of saying drop the weapon, the cop said Barnes wake up and got close enough that his fingertips grazed Bucky's cheek. The touch is what set Soldat off, it's what thrust him back into the true order of the nightmare and he shot up quickly from his sleeping bag to grab the nearest object, vibranium hand gripping tight around it.