N-Dubz - The Young Days

Chapter 12 - Will things always be this way? (full chapter)

Two weeks later.

I still haven't regained any feeling in my arms or legs. The doctors warned this may never happen. They also said, there might be a slight chance that I may regain movement and to never give up hope. Richard still hadn't been to see me. Costas came when he could and Danny was like a rock to me. I'm going to the speech therapist later, to try and learn how to speak again. I can move my mouth, so that's a start at least. I hate living life this way and it's only been two weeks. How much longer can I do this for? We got ready to go to the speech therapist an hour or so later. I had to do these mouth exercises, I hated it but I had no choice as I was determined to learn to speak again. I was also determined to learn to walk again one day, although I had to regain the feeling in my legs first, so that was a while off. 

An hour later.

We were with the speech therapist and she gave me all these mouth exercises to do. She also gave my Mum exercises we could do at home. We spent just over an hour in there and we were free to leave  again. I hate living life this way but I knew, I had no one to blame but myself. It was my fault for doing drugs, deciding to go for a walk when I was out of it, and getting run over. I couldn't remember that but I only know because my Mum told me. Costas came to see me an hour later and he brought Danny with him as well.

"Hey" Costas announced.

"How is she?" Danny asked.

"We've got these exercises she has to do so she can learn to talk again" My Mum explained.

"That's a start eh?" Costas smiled.

""It is indeed" My Mum agreed.

"You'll get through this T. You'll be fine" Danny told me.

"Yeah, it might take a while but you'll soon be talking and shouting at us again" Costas laughed.

"You see Tula? People do care about you" My Mum added.

"Yeah, a lot more people than you realise. All the people from the party still ask how you are" Danny responded.

"You're strong and brave and you'll get through this" Costas repeated.

"Yeah you will" Danny agreed.

"Right well, I'll leave you two with her, the washing up won't do itself!" My Mum laughed.

"Yeah that's fine, she'll be fine with us" Danny answered.

"Yeah course she will" Costas agreed.

"So then T, what you been up to apart from causing trouble?" Costas grinned.

I smiled back, as that's the only thing I can do to communicate with people right now. Hopefully in the next few weeks, that will all change. I am determined to learn how to speak again. Once I put my mind to something I want to achieve, there's no stopping me. I am determined to, first of all, learn to speak and secondly, to get some feeling back in my arms and legs, although I need physio for that. I can only do one thing at once though. I know I want to learn to walk again,  but my speech is just as important to me, so i'll concentrate on that for now.

Danny and Costas stayed for the afternoon and then decided to leave. I hate sitting here knowing people are talking to me and I can't answer them. I feel really ignorant. I know Danny and Costas understand but people who don't know me, will think I'm just being ignorant. i can't wait to learn how to talk again because there will be no shutting me up, seriously! I do regret being so stupid and not turning to my friends for help, because it's limiting everything I can now do. If only I'd turned to them, I'd still have a full, active life of being out, having fun and chilling out with all my mates.

The next morning.

I was up at 7:30am. I was going back to school today. Today's the first time I'll have been at school since I've been confined to a life in a wheelchair. I just hope I don't get bullied. I'm incredibly nervous about being back at school. I'm gonna hate it with all those people pointing and staring. I'll get help and support in all my classes, obviously with writing and the various other things I can no longer do. I can't do anything I used to be able to. I need help with dressing, feeding, bathing and everything. It's almost like my Mum's caring for a newborn baby. If I could speak, I'd tell my Mum how sorry I really am. 

Later on in the day.

It's 11:00am. I've had two lessons so far. I've had Science and English. People were pointing and staring at me. I hated it. This wasn't the Tula they were used to seeing. The Tula they were used to was the one who turned up late and gave the teacher some stupid excuse about how I'd woken up late. They were used to the Tula who wasn't the best behaved student but they knew, just from knowing me, I'd never hurt anyone. It was hard hearing people talking about me. It was "Tula's in a wheelchair, Tula's this and Tula's that" It's so hard not being able to speak properly and not being able to stick up for myself. Even the teachers were shocked when they saw I was confined to a wheelchair. I think everyone's just genuinely shocked. I'm living proof of what can happen when you do drugs and if I could talk, I'd warn everyone about the dangers of drugs and advise them not to do it. They mess your life up, as people can tell with me.

In the evening.

I'm back at home now. i've had a day of people pointing, whispering and staring at me. I know I might not be able to move or speak but I can still see. Seeing people, pointing, whispering and staring at me, does hurt but I know I've only got myself to blame for having to go through that today. I had P.E last lesson and they were doing dance. I can't express how much I wanted to get up and join in. It hurts seeing people doing other things that I can no longer do. Costas came back to see me later on. Well, I say to see me, he came to see my Mum and to sit and talk to me, knowing I couldn't answer him. 

"Hey" Costas smiled.

"Do you want a drink Costas?" My Mum asked him.

"Yeah can I have a tea please Auntie Anne?" Costas replied.

"Yeah coming right up" My Mum told him.

"Thanks" Costas answered, sitting down on the sofa next to my wheelchair.

My Mum came back five minutes later with the cup of tea for Costas.

"There you go Costas" My Mum announced.

"Thanks" Costas replied.

"You're welcome, well I'll leave you two on your own, I've got some washing to do" My Mum added.

My Mum went upstairs and Costas sat talking to me. He put the T.V on after a while and stayed at mine until about 6:00pm when his phone rang and he told my Mum he had to go. He gave me a hug and said he'd see me soon and he said bye to My Mum. I had my tea just after Costas went and it took ages cos my Mum had to feed it to me like some newborn baby. 

A few hours later.

It was 10:30pm and time for bed. I had to sleep downstairs as I could no longer get upstairs because of the wheelchair. My Mum got me changed and helped me out of the wheelchair. She had to sleep downstairs as well, in case I needed the loo in the middle of the night. I'm not used to people fussing and faffing around me, in fact, I hate it. I don't have any choice now though, and I'll rely on my Mum for the rest of my life. I'll almost certainly never do anything I'd planned to, such as getting married, having a family, having a nice house, comfortable life and never having to worry about money. I'll never have any of that, the way things are going right now. I just want my life back. I want to be able to walk, talk and go out freely. I want to be able to do all the things I could do before. I can't do that anymore because of one stupid addiction. Is this how my life will be from now on? I'll wake up and every single day will be the same? Me having to rely on my Mum for everything and me going to school and having people pointing, staring, whispering and sniggering? I don't expect pity because this is all my fault.I can do without people pointing and staring though. I'm sure I'm not the only person who's gone from being able bodied to being confined to a wheelchair. Other people wouldn't like it, if this was them and I was pointing and staring at them, so makes them think they've got the right to do it to me?!