The Game of Balance.

Tomorrow

Rehmat's POV

When Rudraansh asked me to go out for a date, my first instinct was to say no. My last relationship was precisely with a boy, who had more money than brains and thought of me as a possession. I was just not sure if Rudraansh would be the same. However, today, he had been nothing but supportive.
He did not need to be there, he did not have to be present, and he surely did not have to bring me to his home, however he did all of that. And not once, did he act like anything but a perfect gentleman.
After having our dinner, we talked, and now lying in his guest bedroom, I can't help but recall the conversation that happened.

"Why did you not tell me that you remembered Shanghai?" I ask, as I sit on the couch, my legs neatly tucked under the throw blanket that Rudraansh got me.
"I thought of telling you, but then, you didn't seem to like me." He sighed, as if I was the one who was constantly being bitchy. Wow. Men.
"Sure." My tone was sarcastic."I was the one who tried to annoy you, and you were definitely a saint. Didn't even bother me once. Never doubted my ability to work. Didn't call me unkind and oh, definitely did not try to insult my intelligence every chance you got." I was half joking, I liked that he challenged me, only he was a borderline bully sometimes.

"Well, you said yes to going out with me. Obviously, you must've liked what I did." Prick.
"No, I didn't say yes because I liked you, I said yes because I want to thank you for today. Everything you did for me today, it's my way of showing appreciation. Please keep your ego in check. You are a bully." He threw his head back and laughed.
"Keep telling yourself that, Ms. Raizaada. We both know you are charmed." He winked at me again. He had an awful habit of winking, it seemed.
"You are about as charming as the toad that lives in the dirty lake down my appartment." Was this juvenile? Yes. Did I care? No.

He smiled again but it quickly died, and I understood why when he uttered the question. "If you don't mind, can I ask you something?"
I wanted to say no, because today felt too real, and that terrified me.
Instead I smiled and said, "Shoot."
"You can totally not answer this, but when I saw Maanav attack you today, it looked like you were disassociating. Like you weren't really there. Was there someone who hurt you in the past? Has Maanav ever hurt you before?" His tone was soft, almost feather light.
It was not easy for me to tell him what and why I was dissociating but, it felt right to tell him. Almost like I could trust him with my secrets, but I wasn't sure. Will he look at me like I am broken?
Will he understand what has happened and the baggage that he was asking for?
Will he understand why, no date would ever turn romantic?
There was only one way to find out, and so I took a deep breath and said, "Its a really long story."
"We have all night" he said, his arm on my blanket clad knee.
You asked for it Mister. I murmured in my head.

"After I left from Shanghai, I obviously returned back to college. I was still in my second year. I had competed for the place in that conference fair and square, and I was also amongst the youngest members in the team, for that conference. So obviously, I was elated after I came back. However, I soon got to know, that before me, the plan was to take one of my seniors for the conference.
She was smart, almost too sharp. Her parents were both lawyers, she knew the importance of all of these events. And she lived in the same hostel as me.
I did not understand, why she was replaced, so I asked around. And I got to know that, someone had complained about her little addiction, to the authorities. In a room search, they confiscated drugs and pills. They had temporarily suspended her which was probably why I didn't see her, or her minions around for the whole 2-3 weeks, since before and after the conference.
When she came back though, everything changed." I took another deep inhale.
Rudraansh gave my knee a reassuring squeeze.

"At first, it started small. There were small letters written to me, calling me a cheat, a replacement and some stupid bullshit. I didn't pay heed to it. Then, it began getting worse. My phone number was sprawled over the campus called me a whore, a prostitute and everythng else. I began getting disgusting phone calls, asking me my rates and etc. You see, it bothered me, but not enough. My parents had raised me to always be strong, and never ever back down from bullies." It was difficult for me to recall that incident, but if there was one thing I knew, it was this- burying my emotions deep into me, would not give me anything. And so, I continued.
"I thought I was fortunate, that I had some amazing people in my life. We were actually four, Aanvi, Taara, myself and my roommate. My roommate, back then, was a very close friend of mine, and she kept telling me that all of it would get better, and maybe if I apologised to that senior, she would stop. I did not want to do so, because I did not see a fault of mine. And so I never went and apologised. I also had a professor, one who had trained me for the entirety of the conference. He was also my mentor, and he was fairly young, I then got to know that this senior had a major crush on my professor too. She had tried to seduce him, but he was absolutely disgusted. It was him actually, who had accidentally seen her do drugs at the hideout. However, it never got to light, and she assumed that it was I, who did that. Her jabs became worse, somedays, she would instruct her minions to hoot and holler whenever I walked past. I had, had enough. So after around a week of this torture, I went to meet my mentor. He saw me crying and came to console me. His hand was on my shoulders, however from the other window, it looked suspicious, and this girl capitalised on that. She took a picture, printed it and posted it everywhere. There were some nasty as fuck comments, calling me a whore, someone said I slept with the professor for the conference, others said it was common occurrence and all my grades were because of precisely this."

I closed my eyes, an involuntary tear slipped past my eyes. I felt Rudraansh wiping it away with his thumb. "I am sorry baby, so fucking sorry. I... Shit. I don't know what to say." I smiled, a sad, rueful, broken smile.
"It gets worse. I went to confront her. I entered into her room." My eyes turned arctic, even thinking of that memory. The betrayal, the hurt, the pain I had felt. All of that and so much more, what for? I didn't need to know.
"It was my roommate. She was the one, who had made it look like I had snitched on her for the opportunity. She was the one who told her that I had gone to meet my mentor that day. And she was the one, who gave her my number. She hated me apparently, because she thought, I didn't deserve all of that." I looked deep into Rudraansh's eyes, seeing them burning with hatred and every single emotion, reflecting my own pain, my own helplessness.
"It's okay, stop, you don't have to tell me more." He said, holding both my hands, clasping them tightly.
"No, let me." I gave him a small smile, which must have been pained, if his darkened gaze was a clue. "When I went into her room, she instructed one of her friends to lock the door. She then threw away my phone. They were 5 and I was alone. They easily overpowered me. She started to choke me, hit me around multiple times. My roommate all the while, was recording all of this, laughing. Her friends were cheering her on. They kept saying I shouldn't be ashamed because I deserved that. Finally, she brought a scissor, and she cut open my top, then she dug that scissior into my rib, right where she had kicked. I screamed, really loudly. And just then, Taara entered with our warden and a few other girls. Aanvi followed close after. The warden and other girls took that senior and her 3 minions out. My roommate was still there, shocked, trying to cover up, saying things like I instigated the violence and everything else. Aanvi slapped her hard, so hard that her lip split. And then she tugged at her hair, took her out and the rest, was a series of cases, ragging, criminal intimidation, harassment, abuse everything. The senior was influential, so she got out, but not before her rightful punishment. She has a criminal record, was rusticated  and if I am not wrong, is currently somewhere in Turkey. The others met a similar fate."
I was then pulled in a hug, "I am sorry Rehmat. Really Sorry. I am sorry for being a jerk to you. I am sorry I couldn't protect you today. I am sorry scum like her exist." I chuckled, "You don't have to be sorry. I like that you challenge me. However, Rudraansh, you must know. Nothing good can come from us. Our date, it wouldnt be romantic. I have too many issues. I still suffer from anxiety and PTSD, my deamons are haunting. They wouldn't let you come close." I was extremely serious, they wouldn't.
"Now is not the right time for this Rehmat. You agreed to go out even for a once, and that is enough. We will see how and what happens." He was not backing down. He didn't understand what I was saying. But I was too tired to argue. Another time. I would explain that to him, another time.
"Let's get you to bed." He then escorted me to my room. Gave my hand a squeeze and went out.

Rudraansh had listened. Without uttering a word. Tomorrow, I will think about his pity and his hauntingly beutiful eyes, tomorrow. Now, I needed to sleep. And mostly, forget today.