Dangerous Desire

part. 34

BELLA

I don't remember waking up, but I'm awake.

The lights are off, my curtains are closed, Luna is snuggled up next to me, my alarm clock on my nightstand reads one a.m. Why am I awake?

When I closed the door in front of Hyunjin after our dinner, I couldn't stop smiling. I had to lean against the door for at least two minutes so I could calm down. His actions and words have become so bold. He's become so bold that I don't know how to act.

His family is also the cutest family. I felt so welcomed and comfortable around them, I felt like I could be myself. I adore Hyejin, she's made me want a little sister terribly. The way his parents would always include me in conversations and ask me questions effected a part of me that has made me realise something.

It's made me realise that I really do like this boy. He's made me become more myself, more of who I am. I've realised there's much more to relationships then just intimate moments. He's made me realise that.

But I don't think he wants a relationship.

I don't know why he doesn't want one, but what I do know is that it really fucking hurts.

It hurts that the person I have true and deep feelings for doesn't want the same thing back.

I've wallowed in self pity for at least twenty minutes now. I hate that I do this. I always ruin the most perfect days by overthinking and making assumptions in my mind that prevent me from actually being happy.

And I think I know why.

Growing up without a father figure has effected me in a way. I say it doesn't bother me, because it really doesn't, it just makes forming relationships so difficult for me.

I shift my position in my bed and wrap myself in my covers, welcoming the warmth as it's gotten so cold. I close my eyes and try to calm my breathing so I can fall asleep again. I don't want to overthink anymore.

I'm so close to falling asleep again that my whole body has become so relaxed when my phone begins blaring my ringtone through its speakers, piercing the calm silence. Luna jumps up from her position, looking frightened from the intrusion and I scratch the fur behind her ears to calm her, receiving a purr back.

Sitting up in my bed, I grab my phone to see who's calling me. My eyes squint from the brightness and I have to close my eyes for a second before reopening them. That hurt like a bitch.

I become confused and slightly concerned when I finally read the contact name at the top of the screen.

Jia.

Why is Jia calling me?

I slide to answer anyway, becoming more concerned. "Hello? Jia?" I say into my phone as I bring it up to my ear.

There's a moment of silence before I finally hear a sniffle on the other end. My stomach sinks when Jia whispers with in a tone that sounds like she's crying, "Bella?"

"Jia? What's wrong? Are you okay?" I rush, full of concern.

"Bella..." Jia cries. "I'm late."