Dangerous Desire

part. 35

double update for you loves, read part. 34 if you haven't already <3
kisses, F x

BELLA

I have never felt so groggy and tired before. I feel like I could fall asleep the second I blink.

As much as I love Jia, and I'm glad she got the results she wanted, I'm not the happiest that she decided to do it so early in the morning.

I made us both a hot chocolate before Jia went home. When the nerves and anxious feeling in the room disappeared, exhaustion hit me like a ton of bricks. However, as much as I wanted to crawl back under my covers, I didn't want Jia to feel like I was kicking her out - especially after experiencing such a scary situation.

We drank our hot chocolates on the sofa, my TV playing quietly in the background as we chatted. It was when Jia calmed down and felt okay enough that she finally headed home. I had to let out a deep breath when the door closed shut and I dragged myself to bed.

However, when my head hit the pillow, I became wide awake.

So much has happened recently that my mind is just so full of thoughts and it's mentally draining me. From finding out what happened with my father, developing deeper feelings for Hyunjin, not knowing what to do with those feelings, seeing Kai being treated like shit, nearly getting smashed in the head with a glass bottle, going out for dinner with Hyunjin's parents, and now I've experienced Jia have a pregnancy scare? I'm so tired.

I feel like my mind in running 100mph and I just want it all to stop.

But, the only way to do that is to talk to Hyunjin. And I want to do that sooner rather than later.

To not only get answers, but also to protect myself from getting hurt. Even though I'm pretty deep into it already, I'd rather do it now than eventually fall in love with him.

Shit. Just the thought of loving him makes my heart crash against my chest.

... Do I love him?

No, I can't think of that. I have enough on my mind already, I don't need love thrown into the mix.

I think I only got three hours of sleep and I'm feeling the repercussions massively.

I decided to wake up later today and just throw some clothes on, skipping makeup and breakfast, and just doing skincare and brushing my hair and teeth. I look and feel like a walking zombie and I'm really not feeling up for moulding clay for hours so that's why I'm sat on my stool, head in my arms with my eyes closed.

Ryujin didn't question why I'm acting like this when I walked in, she could see on my face I wasn't feeling up for it but I can tell she's worried. However, she's distracted herself by doing her work, cursing every now and then when she makes a mistake.

I've been going in and out of sleep for a while, I'm not sure how long, but I think it's started to worry a certain boy across the room because I suddenly feel my phone vibrate in my hoodie pocket. I lazily grab my phone, squinting my eyes to read the message that has just come through.

pretty boy; everything okay? <3

A big smile soon appears on my face and I can feel my stomach do a flip at the love heart Hyunjin has added to the end of his message. I bite my lip to hide my smile and slowly look over my shoulder to see Hyunjin is busy doing his work. I half expected him to be on his phone or even looking at me but instead he's busy with his hands smoothing out the clay.