Finding Yourself: Book Three

Chapter Eleven: Little Pink Pills

Jealousy.

Nick had felt jealousy when he saw Vincent with that girl, he determined. But why? Nick already knew that his relationship with Vincent wouldn't last.

He felt strange that night when they were getting ready for bed. He didn't want to make any of the feelings he felt for Vincent stronger. That would only lead to disaster. Vincent already had his pants off, and he was flinging his shirt over his head. He was getting ready for bed, and all Nick could do was stand there- awkwardly staring.

"I think we shouldn't do this anymore," Nick announced, "I don't want to hurt you."

"We've been over this, Nick," Vincent said immediately, "I would be upset knowing that you were upset."

"But we can't do this forever," Nick reminded, "I need to learn how to sleep on my own."

"We can, and we will," Vincent said back. They were staring at each other now. "Now get your pajamas on."

"It will hurt you more," Nick reasoned, not moving, "It'll hurt you if we can't be together."

"It'll hurt you if we don't sleep together," Vincent argued. His eyebrows were slightly furrowed, but his gaze was still calm and friendly- as if he expected Nick to protest.

"I- I can't do this anymore. I can't keep doing this to you. I'm abusing your kindness."

"Nick, you couldn't abuse anyone. You're overthinking too much, and you are a literal angel when it comes to morality. Are you on your medication?"

"No," Nick responded, then continued while crossing his arms, "Stop changing the subject. I'm asking you to leave."

"What?" Vincent gasped, his furrowed eyebrows raising in surprise. He stood up and approached Nick slowly. "Why are you doing this?"

"I'm-" Nick knew his anxiety was taking a hold of him- "I feel like I'm using you, Vince. Like you said with that girl? I'm not trying to, but it still feels like it. I feel guilty. I can't- I shouldn't do that to you. I mean, you're my best friend. My only true friend. And you're doing too much for me." Vincent stepped closer and put his hands on Nick's arms.

"Nick, you need to calm down," he said gently, and his eyes were still wide.

"I can't," Nick said, then shook his head, "I won't, Vince! This isn't some small thing. You babysit during the day, and you sleep with me during the night. It's too much! I'm asking too much, and you know it!" Nick got right into his face, looking directly into his eyes. "You're ignoring it because you love me, but it's not healthy, Vincent. As your friend, who cares for you, I can't just let you do this to yourself for me-"

And then Vincent's lips were on Nick's. 

Nick stilled. His heart was beating fast, and he didn't move a singular muscle. Vincent's mouth was only there for a second before it moved away, but Nick could feel the calm warmth it sent to his lips. He hadn't had a kiss in so long. He felt suddenly like he might cry.

"I'm sorry," Vincent apologized after he pulled away, "You are just so sweet. I don't mind, Honeybun. I don't care about all those things. I just want to make you happy." Vincent had his eyes closed from the kiss, but then he opened his eyes to look at Nick with shimmering eyes. "Please, just come to bed and sleep. You need it after such a long day."

Nick's heart was still beating fast, and he didn't know what to do with himself. So, he just nodded absentmindedly, and he followed Vincent to the bed without even changing out of his jeans.

Once they settled, and the light was off, Vincent's arms wrapped around his waist. The last thing he heard from Vincent before he fell asleep was: "I'm never going to let anyone hurt you again. Not even yourself."